When death stands beside you
by TeamICan'tDecide
Summary: When Jasper loses control on his first day of school, and changes an innocent young girl all hell breaks loose. With a deadly newborn, the Quileute werewolves inches away from tearing everybody apart and crazy feelings for young Lexi Nicole Brown can he still handle his own life?
1. Chapter 1

**Stephanie Meyer own all characters, beside Lexi!**

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><p>School. God knows how much I hate it. Pretending that we were normal, while we were in fact far from it. Keeping up a mask that seemed to suffocate us. The blood made it only worse, teasing the vampire in my. And of course there were teenagers who had to be so clumsy that they even tripped over their own shadow. Like Isabella Swan, who tripped and grazed her knee in front of Edward, leaving her blushing like an idiot. And bleeding like she had been stabbed with a machete or something. It was comical to watch how she desperately tried to keep her balance, but failed. Some smelled better than others, and some smelled absolutely horrible by the lack of a good personal hygiene. Add the uber-boring lessons and in a second changing, confused feelings and you have the reason why I hate being present at school. Carlisle always sent his adoptive children to school to appear normal, while were - once again - a bunch of vampires who weren't even supposed to exist. The younger we pretended to be, the longer we could stay somewhere. Rosalie, Emmett and I were Seniors, we would be graduating this year. We could pretend that we were juniors, but we weren't absolutely interested in that. School was just a way of keeping us occupied. Rosalie and Emmett shared my opinion about school. Edward and Alice were juniors, they had the misfortune to study longer. Currently we were in Forks. A small, rainy town where everyone seemed to know each other. Therefore it was great news that we were newcomers. Technically, we weren't new, 77 years ago we had already lived here. It all started as a normal school day. One that I had already experienced several times. One that promised to be a boring, endless during torture.<p>

It was lunchtime. The time that each student filled his hungry stomach with food that smelled like it was rotten for weeks, and so it looked too. It was also the time that each student eagerly gossiped about us. They whispered but they could've just screamed as well because we could hear them anyway. Some thought we were drop dead gorgeous, others thought we were weird because we talked to no one. But they all had one thing in common: they admired our beauty. The features of ours face, our hair, our body, our clothes. Everyone had his own straight opinion about us. It didn't matter what they thought of us, because we didn't care. But it was terrible to hear their whispers. I couldn't imagine what it would be if you also had a look inside their head, as my brother Edward the mind reader, could.

"It's annoying." He replied in answer to my unspoken thoughts. As he did many times. That was really annoying.

"Hey Edward, what did I told you about privacy?"

He chuckled: "That it shall not be violated, and I answered you that I can't turn off my gift. Learn to live with it." It was the only thing we could do, learning to live with Edward. Although it was not always easy. He always had to had the last word, being a smartass. It usually ended in a playful fight, where ofcourse he cheated and won but only because of his gift. Cheating bastard. He grinned: " Don't start insulting!"

A group of giggling girls pointed quite explicit at us, Rosalie gave them a deadly look. She gave her own twist on 'if looks could kill'. Emmett was hers and every girl would know that. Not that an ordinary, simple human could be compared to Rosalie. Alice was insensitive to things like that because she knew Edward loved her more than anything. He would never leave her. There was no one at my side. No soul mate that I could protect, no one to love. No girl to hold and to adore. But I wasn't desperate, love isn't a thing you should force. I wasn't planning on forcing things.

The giggles grew louder, more annoying. Nine girls had already come to me to ask me out. I shook them off one by one as politely as possible, some had an iron determination and didn't want to give up. It made me annoyed because they didn't stay away from me. It was just simply annoying.

The doors of the canteen opened, which promised to welcome more hungry students.

And that's when I smelled it. An ultra-feminine scent. The fire in my throat roared wildly. The monster inside me fought to be released. I had never smelled anything like that, a sweet, heavenly scent. It was the hell for me. The devil seduced me with it. A magical mix of extraordinary things I had already smelled and merged into the best scent someone could possess: lilies, mandarin , lime and caramel slightly hinted with roses, vanilla, peppermint and something that could be described as white musk. My fingers gripped the ugly, white lunch table too tightly because a piece of it broke off. Luckily no human saw it.

" Jasper, are you alright?" Alice asked concerned, seeing the pain written on my face. I ignored her silly, bell- like voice and concentrated on te smell.

It was good that my neck couldn't break through the brutal force with which I turned my head to see the face that accompanied this delicious smell. Even Isabella Swan who had smelled very, very lovely wasn't a match for this… person. It was not what I expected. It was indeed a girl. A young girl with a small stature. She was definitely not what I expected. What did I expect ? A tall blonde with a perfectly normal face. Her pale ivory complexion was complimented with round hazel eyes and plump rosy - red lips, which looked as if they had kissed for hours . She was roughly 5ft2 tall. She was roughly estimated three inches taller than Alice. She was shorter than her gothic friend, whose scent burned into my sensitive nose. Too much, too heavy perfume. Her pale face looked even paler by her unusual hair color that attracted attention. Her hair was straight, as straight as it could be. Probably the work of a good straightener, because no single type of hair was naturally that straight. Why did she tortured her hair with a device that burned it? The top of her hair was dark blue, and halfway her long locks falling on her rib cage it began to change into an aquamarine color. She was dressed in a gray T-shirt, black jeans and all-stars that matched the color of her hair. Considering the fact that she was human, she was quite a beautiful thing. Again I breathed in, it was like eating fire. I could stop breathing, but I didn't want to. This scent had to be smelled. And tasted. I heard her soft, warm voice that could be compared to that of Esme. It didn't fit her extraordinary appearance .

"You can go sit down Ivy. I don't feel so good, I need fresh air. It's probably the homemade tacos of my brothers girlfriend. That bitch can cook even worse than you." She talk to her friend. She turned around and left the cafeteria.

This was my chance. I couldn't resist her. Her scent was sublime and I had to taste it. Edward could read my mind and before my plan could betray me I stood up and went after her. I glanced at my family and saw that Alice's eyes were glassy, she had a vision. In all probability it was about me.

"Jasper, no!" Edward screamed, but it was too late. I already stormed through the hallway, crazed by her scent. The pain in my throat was so bad that it was hard to swallow the venom in my mouth away. It tortured me, screamed at me to drink blood. Her blood. It was the only way to soothe the burning torment in my throat.

Her scent was in the air, even the fresh air of Forks couldn't mask it. She was at the back of the school building, where a bench stood for those who were tired. And where there were also no windows and no one who could see her die.

I saw her. Her lips parted each time she breathed the fresh air deeply in. The beating of her fragile heart boomed in my ears and doubled my thirst. So vivid, so strong, so juicy. And it was all for me.

She didn't realize that there was a monster who could murder her each moment behind her. Her life was going to end in a few seconds. I could no longer restrain my thirst, I had to taste her. She was irresistible. I longed for her.

By the time she realized that she was attacked and she wanted to scream, I already had my hand clamped over her mouth and my teeth drilled in her heavenly neck.

And so she tasted. Heavenly. I was right, only her blood made an end to the pain. It dimmed when the first drop of blood touched my tongue. Of all my victims, she was the best. I drank greedily from her. Her screams of pain were muffled by my hand, and her frantic attempts to free himself were - of course - useless against my superior strength. Through her struggling her shirt came up and showed her flat stomach. My fingers clawed into her creamy, soft skin. She would be a corpse with bruises in the shape of my fingers. I could feel her pain and unlimited anxiety, but it wasn't enough to bring me back to earth. Her blood was like a magnet to me. Everything about her seemed to pull me in. I could feel her warm skin through my clothes, and it was divine. I enjoyed it. Unconsciously I thought about how she must've felt when she would touch me when she or I wasn't dressed in clothes that protected our skin. The feather-light footsteps of my family alerted me, and I grabbed what was mine tighter. I refused to let her go, prepared to fight I stood straighter. She had stopped screaming and her resistance was gone too, I remarked. Strong hands, Emmett's, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me backwards, away from her. I growled, outraged because they wanted to keep me away from the girl. Emmett grabbed my arms and Edward stood in front of me, blocking my view of the girl. Her body was writhing on the ground, Rosalie and Alice bent over her, Alice's hand clamped over her mouth to stop her screaming and Rosalie 's hands on her arms keeping her body tight pressed to the stony ground with ease. Now I realized what I had done. They had pulled me off of her and I didn't finish it. Venom is now spreading through her veins. In fact, she would become one of us. And it was my fault. Her fear and pain was like a slap in my face, I tried to calm her, but I hadn't my own emotions under control.

"Emmett and I will take Jasper to the woods to hunt. You and Rosalie will take care for the girl. Call Carlisle, say it's urgent. Take the road through the woods so no one sees you and hold your hand clamped over her mouth." Edward said to Alice, the serious look on his face betrayed nothing, his feelings however did. He was worried.

Without any effort Alice lifted the girl in her arms and ran off, Rosalie giving me a deadly glare. I suppose I should fear the moment I had to go back home. Edward and Emmett dragged me into the forest. My last view was her heavy trembling body.

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><p><strong>Hey! <strong>

**So what do you think?**

**Leave a review please x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, I'm back**

**To be clear, the girl on the cover is Lexi Nicole Brown as a vampire. Isn't she pretty?**

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><p>It was chaos. I felt horrible. It was what I deserved. Rosalie had yelled at me for changing the girl, saying that it was my fault if a human found out about us and the Volturi came to rip us apart. Edward did some research in the minds of other teenagers, her gothic friend - Ivy - and the archives of Forks and found out that the girl was none other than the famous Lexi Nicole Brown, the girl who lost both her parents in a tragic car crash at the age of nine, but who miraculously survived it. She lived with her older brother Terry and his girlfriend Valeria. She recently - two weeks ago - turned sixteen. She was a sophomore. Before our little problem upstairs had woken up, it was actually her brother who caused troubles. We used Lexi's phone to send a text saying that she had run away because she hated school and her life. Ofcourse we were smart enough to send the text in front of her house, in case they would trace it. Her clothes were gone to, Alice picked them up. It was the third day his little sister had ran away and he brother was desperate to find her. The police didn't listen to him when he said that running away wasn't something Lexi would do. She was just another teen who hated life and ran away. However, they had spread her picture into the whole state. The last beat of her heart made an end to her terrible pain and the house was no longer filled with her screams. She was now one of us. And it was my fault. A part of me wondered how much she would hate me. The last three days the mood in our house had been very bad. Not because they blamed me for changing Lexi - except for Rosalie, who practically was about to slice my throat open with her manicured nails - but because I blamed myself. It was my venom that ended her human life and pushed her brutally into a new one.<p>

Carefully we entered her room she had been dumped in, by the lack of a better word. The last thing we wanted to do was scaring her, because a scared, insane newborn would destroy Forks. She could jump through the glass and destroy everything she would come across. Newborns were unstable and unpredictable and above all dangerous if they used their brute strength against you. Carlisle, Edward, Emmett and I stood in front of the females ready to protect them from the danger I had created. The room was filled with anger, I could feel it before we had even opened the door. Anger towards the person who had changed her. If only she knew it was me who had done this to her. Edward told me that she had already figured out what she had become. He also told me that she wasn't happy about it. Edward had stormed out of the room, cursing and shaking his head as if his brains were drowning, because it was filled with murderous thoughts coming from her. We all had checked upon her, except me. I didn't want to be confronted with my mistake. Esme had talked to her, saying that it would all be over soon. Carlisle checked if the transformation was going well. Rosalie had brushed her long hair and cleaned the dried blood from where I had bitten her. Alice had dresses her into the latest designer fashion, a ruffled lavender colored blouse, a tight black skirt and dark purple heels. She had to kick me out of the room, because the girl would be naked and her body wasn't destined for my eyes. I felt like a pervert. Lexi seemed to be always present in my mind, I blamed it on the fact that I was her killer and it was the guilt who was slowly gnawing at me. When Emmett was with her, he talked bullshit. He was going to have a lot of fun with her, teaching her how to fight and play a vamperized version of the game baseball. My mind could see the scene, Emmett learning Lexi how to fight. It was comical imagination. But I suppose it could work, if Alice - who was three inches shorter than Lexi - could fight, Lexi could possibly do it to. But there was one big difference, Alice saw your moves coming, so she could anticipate and Lexi was small and not gifted with the ability to see the future.

As soon as we had entered the room, she had become aware of the possible threat that surrounded her. She shot up from Carlisle hospital table where she laid on, and crouched down, her new given instincts taking it over from her. We stayed calm but the tension was tangible in the air. She blinked a few times, adapting her sight. I knew how overwhelming it was when you woke up the first time, seeing the light again after what seemed to have been an endless darkness, seeing the dust in the air that a human eye couldn't detect, hearing sounds from miles away. I couldn't help thinking that she had become dazzling. I had seen her in her human form an now in her strong, new one. The difference was clearly visible. She was marvelous. I had to admit that she hadn't been an ugly human but now as a vampire she would earn a lot of ' wows' and admiring glances. Her skin had become pale like ours. Her lips were plump and had a special red-rosy like color, like someone had kissed her roughly for a long time. I brutally shook the thought of me kissing her out of my head, but Edward had already picked it up. He looked at me as if I was crazy, trying to figure out where that thought had come from. Before he could do that, I had to understand it first and I couldn't. I focused back on Lexi. Her button nose wrinkled slightly as she smelled us. The hazelnut color of her eyes was replaced by a blood red one. The red was to vivid for her face. She - like all vampires - had small bags under her eyes in the lightest shade of purple, making her look like as if she had never seen a pillow in her life. In a strange way it suited her more than others, it made her prettier. Her limbs were smooth and supple even when she stood still. She was simply graceful. Her small, young face was framed with wavy, healthy looking hair that reached till her ribs. I had been right, it wasn't naturally straight, it was wavy. It was now a very dark shade of brown, almost looking black. The color was perfect for her pretty face. The striking blue had been honestly an insult for her face, screaming at people to judge her before they got to know her. Lexi snarled. She looked like a trapped animal, her eyes wild, filled with anger and fear for us. Even when newborns were scared, they didn't back down. Her lip curled up, showing her sharp white teeth. A roaring sound built itself up in her chest. It was a newborn thing, she reacted like we all had done when we awoke. I send a wave of calmness at her. Her head shot in in my direction and as if she had sensed it she pointed an accusing finger at me. As if she knew it was me. Her anger grew explosively. Carlisle decided to step in before she would give her newborn attack a try.

" Lexi, I know this is all new to you and -" She interrupted him by screaming ' you' at me. Her eyes were fixed on my face and I knew that she somehow figured it out that I was the one who changed her. I didn't need Edwards gift for that.

" She figured it out." He muttered. _No shit Sherlock!_ I thought.

Lexi was smart, I wondered how she found out the truth. She hadn't seen my face, so what could it possibly be?

" She remembered your smell." Edward said. Lexi watched us with a confused expression on her face, probably wondering why freaky Edward was talking to himself.

" You did this to me! You're going to pay. You asshole, you monster!" The truth blurted out of her mouth, her angry voice sounded like the rippling of a brook mixed with the sound of a knife tapping against a crystal wine glass. It was warm and relaxing. My ears welcomed it. Her voice betrayed that she was on the edge of crying, broken because she was thrown into a life she only knew out of movies. I broke her. I had to live with the thought that I created a vampire who could kill hundreds, thousands of people. It was as if I killed them myself. There was blood on my hands.

Like a bullet she shot forward, her attack aimed for my neck. She was blinded by anger, hatred and thirst. Her hands were formed into claws, trying to grab my throat. I didn't want to hurt her but I didn't want to feel her inhuman strength either. I placed my hands against her chest - shuddering from the contact - and pushed her away. She fell against Carlisle's table, taking it down with her. The metal bended by the impact of her fall. Her face twisted with anger and determination for my head. I grinned, she didn't stand a chance. In one swift movement she was back on her feet, snarling and growling.

A sound that was a growl and a frustrated angry scream at the same time came out of her mouth, the sound of a real vampire. Her small body was shaking with anger, her hands balled into tight fists. Lexi's eyes glided over our faces, searching a spot to escape. She found none, I could read it in her eyes that she realized she didn't stand a chance against any of us. Not even against Edwards little pixie. We all had practiced fight training with each other for in case we had to defend ourselves. The closest she was to a fight and her knowledge of it was probably a fight movie she had seen. One with unrealistic moves where one guy takes out 10 other guys or a women fights off a bunch of men while she is tied to a chair. Lexi's eyes fixed back on me, narrowing as her murderous feelings increased. Edward and I cringed from her thoughts and feelings.

Suddenly the world ended. My world ended. My mind was only filled with one image. Her killing me and thoughts about it. I could only think about my death. I think I was blind. Well, not really blind. I could see the image in my head , which was more a film because she moved, I moved, she pulled my head off. It was as if my eyes were rolled back in my head and I could only see the horrible scene inside my head. The outside was shielded from me. All the emotions I would normally feel from my surrounding were gone too. I only felt fear and pain. Fear for the girl who ripped off every body part I had and pain because she did that. I was deaf too, only heard the screaming in my head. I wanted to scream because of the pain, but I couldn't. It stopped in the middle of my throat, my voice stuck to a point where I wasn't sure I had one. I couldn't move either. So this was how death felt. Death felt awful! I was dying, killed by the girl who had smelled so wonderful that it would become her death. I was dying! As if dying one time wasn't already horrible, experiencing it over and over was indescribably.

She killed me! She killed me! She killed me!

As suddenly as it came, it was gone too.

I gasped in shock: " She killed me!" I was on my knees with Carlisle knelt down beside me. Edward watched me with eyes the size of melons, horrified because I was killed.

" Jasper what happened?" Carlisle asked in a concerned voice.

" She killed me. She ripped of my head!" I wondered how it was so suddenly over and above all where it came from. I found the answer when I looked at Lexi. She was being restrained by Edward and Emmett. Emmett had wrapped his iron-like arms around her waist, holding her back so she couldn't bite Edward, but she was a newborn. Stronger than any of us, stronger than older vampires because blood still flew through the veins. She fought her way free, biting Edwards hand because he hadn't pulled it away fast enough and giving Emmett a head-butt. Before she could jump through the glass Edward tackled her down, grabbing her by her throat, his knees keeping her arms down. Emmett joined him. Together they managed to keep her under control. I stood back up, beyond pissed off.

" Lexi, please we don't want to hurt you. Please let us explain everything." Carlisle tried to reason her, a fruitless attempt.

She hissed: " There is nothing to explain!"

" Please Lexi, calm down. We really don't want to hurt you." Carlisle signed that Edward and Emmett had to let go off her. A sign that we meant no harm to her. She jumped back on her feet, but stayed where she was, no more attacks. Although she stayed alert, watching us with hawk eyes.

" I know this is very confusing for you. But were different. We don't feed on human blood, we survive on animal blood. You don't have to hurt anybody either." I could tell that she was relieved that she didn't had to hurt humans to survive.

Her voice was firm, strong when she spoke: " I have one question: Why did he changed me?" She asked pointing her finger at me. I changed her, so I owned her an explanation. Not that it would be a good reason, but she deserved to know why I had sunk my teeth in her neck.

" It was an accident. I honestly never planned to change you. I am the youngest vegetarian of our family, your blood was too tempting for me. Better than I had ever smelt. I lost control when I smelled you. I'm so sorry." I couldn't apologize more, but I knew she would never forgive me.

She snorted her red eyes almost bulging out of her head: " So actually it's my fault. You changed me because I was the best smelling dessert you had ever smelled?!"

I gave her a tired look: " It isn't your fault. It's mine. I couldn't control myself." She glared at me, a glare that would even bring Jane Volturi to her knees. That little thing was full of hate. I couldn't blame her.

" So now I am doomed because you couldn't control yourself?! Fantastic! Fan - fucking - tastic, stupid asshole!" Everybody ignored her behavior.

" Lexi would you please stay with us? We would like that you would become a part of our family."

She breathed in and out, to keep the anger from taking over her mind and body: " I don't have a choice, have I? If I go, I will kill and I don't want to hurt people only because it's in my nature. So I will stay until I can control myself enough but don't expect that I will talk to any of you don't force me neither because it will only end up bad, and above all keep him away from me or I will find a way to kill him!"

She put up an attitude to keep her us away from her, but I was determinate to help her as much as possible.

Lexi Nicole Brown was now part of the Cullen family.

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><p><strong>So what do you think?<strong>

**Leave a review please x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's a short update I made because I got a little bored. **

**What do you think of Lexi? Can you guess her gift? It's a bit more complicated than illusions as the Cullens think.**

**You can also check out my other story ' Felix and Feliciana' about Felix's sister **

**Thank you!**

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><p>Living together with Lexi wasn't something you did for pleasure. She was horrible. We had taken her to go hunting, she was getting wilder and wilder and we no longer could control her. We could miss another outburst like the one before. Edward and Emmett had accompanied her, because she had refused to be in my presence. It was understandable. Even when I was meters away from her I could feel the burning hatred in the air, it stung on my skin. She was uncertain because Edward and Emmett watched as she drank two deer. They had to show her how to do it. Emmett had made an attempt to talk to her, but all she did was hiss and look at him with hateful, burning eyes, so he backed off. Lexi was very emotional. An emotional storm raged inside her, she felt all these different emotions: hate, anger, fear, pain, sadness, insecurity, shame, distrust, despair. She was totally lost. Whenever she felt calm, it was because of me making her that way and it was faster over than I could blink. She didn't spoke, always glaring, growling and hissing to everybody who dared to talk to her.<p>

Esme had decorated the attic in a day, making it look like a modern bedroom for Lexi to live in. Esme had asked what her favorite color was, what furniture she wanted but she replied growling ' I don't give a flying fuck'. It did hurt Esme that Lexi snapped at her. Eventually it became a beautiful room with walls in two different shades of purple with a white metal bed frame and a soft purple carpet draped on the light wooden floor. The headboard of her bed was surrounded by white roses that were actually lights. When it was dark, her room was lit by a dim light. Because she lived on the attic and the room spread itself over the entire length of our house, we made a walk in closet too and a small bathroom which had no door but was only separated with a glass wall. Lexi would skin everyone alive if someone came in and she was in the shower. Her words. Because her closet took a lot of space, there was only a shower in her bathroom. But a high tech version of it. It was more an open space, with black tiles and a rain shower with led light which could change colors. I only knew this information because Edward, Emmett and I had to help carry everything. I wasn't even allowed to come near the stairs that lead to Lexi's room.

While Lexi was busy with being an absolutely horrible person, her brother went crazy, demanding that the police should search every house in Forks. Ofcourse, they refused. Lexi was just a runaway, eventually she would show up again. At school, the rumors became more persistent. Lexi was abducted, Lexi had committed suicide and her body wasn't found yet, Lexi was murdered. They were all terribly wrong.

I didn't get used to the hateful feeling. It surrounded me everywhere I went. It made me sick. Lexi had been the subject ever since she was changed. It was more her possible gift. The gift of illusions. Edward had seen it, I had experienced it. We were absolutely sure she was gifted. She made me see my own death.

" Jasper what did you see? Describe it again." Carlisle asked for the tenth time. He wanted to be absolutely sure she was gifted, before he called Eleazar of the Denali coven.

I sighed: " I saw how she killed me by ripping off my head. But that wasn't the only thing. I couldn't move either and I felt only the pain she caused me. I only saw the scene in my head, my vision was shielded from the outside. It was impossible to scream because my voice was stuck in my throat and the only thing I could hear was my own screaming. It repeated itself over and over. It felt so real, I thought she was really killing me." I told the whole story, feeling slightly unconfutable by the thought of Lexi being gifted with the ability to create illusions. If it was true and if she learned to use it, I was pretty much doomed.

" I saw how powerful it was, it's strong. She's definitely gifted. She not only lets you see something, she adds certain things to match the illusion. Like pain and fear or blindness and deafness. We should call Eleazar so he could identify her ability." Edward said.

It was the second day she was awake, and she refused to come down. I heard her hissing upstairs as we talked about her.

Rosalie hissed back, making sure Lexi heard it: " I'm sick of miss freak's attitude. She's your problem, Jasper. Fix it! Someone should put her on her ass!"

A single growl was Lexi's answer.

I glared at her, very close to pulling out a handful of her blond hair.

" Rosalie enough. Lexi is now part of the family. She's in a difficult period. Remember how you were as a newborn." Esme said sternly, even when Lexi acted like this Esme defended her. Her heart was too kind. She loved too much.

I heard movement on the attic an later on the stairs. She was coming down. The next second she walked passed us all, ignoring us as if we were air. She wore her own clothes - refusing to wear Alice's expensive designer clothes -, a black skinny jeans, blue T-shirt and her all-stars. She had her leather jacket on, looking marvelous as always. She was marvelous, except her personality. That was ugly.

" You can't go to your brother, Lexi! It's too dangerous." Edward said to her, answering her private thoughts. Something exploded inside her, she turned around like a mad bull.

" I do what I want. I haven't seen him in five days! And it isn't dangerous, we've hunted this morning, assho-"

Edward interrupted her, not bothering the offending word she wanted to say: " You can't see him. You can't see anybody for at least a year. You would kill them. And even after that year you just can't show up out of nowhere. People will ask questions, everyone thinks you've run away."

Did Edward realized how close he was to being killed?

Lexi was silenced by shock: " Run away?"

The one thing we didn't tell her was now revealed, much to my disliking. It would only hurt her more, and I was the empathic, I would feel it too.

" We used your cellphone to send a text saying that you've run away."

Telling her the truth was so, so bad. Why did he do that?!

" What!" Lexi shrieked " What!"

O God, hell just broke loose. _Great job, Edward. You're so tactful_ I thought.

Lexi punched a hole in the creamy white wall and kicked away a table with a vase on it.

Esme cringed: " Lexi please…"

Edward grabbed her arm, trying to throw her on the ground but her hand grabbed his wrist and twisted it until his body was turned. She placed her foot against his back and send him flying. He made a soft landing on his own piano. The piano legs broke a soon as he landed. His favorite piano, ouch emotional pain!

" Where the hell did she learned that!" Emmett yelled. He and I were both in an instant at her side, trying to grab an arm. Emmett failed, but I got a good hold of it. I smacked her on the ground, but before I could pin her down I earned a foot in my face.

She jumped back up, facing us all. I knew that face, I recognized that type of anger and I knew what was coming.

I was dying. She was killing me. She snapped my head like a toothpick.

Pain.

Fear.

Pain.

Death!

My vision cleared and I saw my family on the ground, gasping in shock. She used it on them too. Even on Esme, who was slightly shaking. Nobody deserved that, except I.

" That's it. Like hell, that bitch is going down!" Rosalie growled, looking for Lexi.

She was gone.

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><p><strong>I would appreciate a review. Thanks! x<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Here's an new chapter. There is a Lexi pov in this chapter, because I needed it. But a Lexi pov will be quite rare.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>She was gone. Lexi was gone, disappeared while we were under the illusion of her killing us. I suspected that she went to her brother. Didn't she realize how dangerous it was? She would kill them. She could kill the entire town when she had one of her childlike tantrums. Eventually it would only lead to more pain. Pain I didn't want her to feel, she already suffered enough. I wished she would let me help her. Things might get easier then. For the both of us.<p>

Lexi had demonstrated a nice fighting technique which she had learned from YouTube. The last two days she had spent watching videos of an Israeli Krav Maga dude. She learned from his videos, like how to pin someone's arm behind his back, chokeholds and arm and wrist locks. Ridiculous because the only way to learn, is to do it. I could learn her things but she wasn't planning on interacting with me. I had to admit watching her do her little stunt on Edward, made me slightly proud. The first step to combat had been set and with some adjustments those tricks - that were made as a defense against humans, not vampires - could be effective.

One of Esme's sharp sighs made me look at her. Poor women. She became also a victim of Lexi's freaky mind tricks. Esme didn't deserve this, neither did the rest of my family.

Eleazar had to come, he was needed.

" I'm going to pull her head from her body, see if she can still use her strange tricks. If I see her I'll punch her so hard that she will spontaneously lose her gift!" Rosalie snarled checking her body to see if any damage was done. She was pissed off beyond the usual.

" Babe, chill. Little Lexi can't be tamed." Emmett made a good attempt to calm down Rosalie. She scowled furiously.

" Chill?! Don't you realize how easily she can turn that illusion into reality? It's obviously she's too strong, she's something we can't handle. Even a blind guy can see that!"

" She's out of control. First she bites me and then she throws me into my own piano. My favorite one nota bene!" Edward muttered his eyes fixed on the scar above his thumb were Lexi had bitten him on their first meeting. He glanced at his piano. Too much damage, couldn't be repaired. Good!

" Boo - Hoo - Hoo! Join the club, Edward. You want an ice-cream, you big baby?" I couldn't help but feel irritated. My body was covered in scars, left behind by the newborns who tried to take me down. None of them who can re-tell the story. Did I complain? Actually yes, but only in my mind.

" We need to go to her brother. Where does she live?" Carlisle asked me. I shrugged, Alice was the one who had been in Lexi's house. I turned towards Alice, just in time to see her eyes become glassy. Edward stood next to her in an instant, a gentle hand on her shoulder.

" No no no no! Not good!" Alice whispered. Edward tensed, knowing the information before we knew it.

" What's going on?"

Alice spoke in a rush: " She's going to Port Angeles, to prove she's strong enough to resist human blood. It ends in a kill. A bloody one."

" Let's go!" Emmett barked.

" No, I'm going to go get her." I said and left, running into the woods. Determinate to drag her back to Forks.

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><p>Port Angeles was dark by the time I got there. A mysterious and quite sinister looking shadow covered the city. I was here with a purpose. Find a human and not kill him. I was going to prove I was strong enough to contain my thirst. They would all be dumbfounded. I was stronger than all those horrible suckers. I knew it would be hard. But I was desperate and determinate enough to make it work. I wanted to see my brother, hell, I even wanted to see Valeria who was irritating enough to even piss off the pope.<p>

When I was nine, my parents' car crashed. Glass in my arms and face and stomach but I survived. My parents were the one who lost their lives. Despite I was only nine and I am a vampire with most of my human memories gone, I still remember it with painful clarity. My brother is the only family I have left, losing him too would be more devastating than anything else I've experienced in my life.

My thirst never disappeared, it dimmed at the most. I was cursed to live a life with an insatiable thirst. I've had plenty of time to think about my life. It was a bottomless pit of hatred, pain and thirst. I saw no advantages of my new life. I would forever have the feeling of a red-hot iron stick in my throat. I would never find a husband who worshiped me every minute of his life, because every men would be repelled of a sixteen year old girl whose life exists out of drinking blood. I would never see the wide toothless smile of my own child, because my body was forever frozen. All caused by one person.

Jasper Cullen.

Jasper Cullen was the demon himself. He bit me because I smelled good. I hated him with every cell in my body. I had the powerful urge to rip him apart. To hear him scream. To see the fear in his eyes as my grip on him would tighten. My hands were itching for it. One day I was going to do it. One day he would be alone, and helpless against me and my gift. He should fear the moment I have complete control over it.

They think I don't control my gift, but I know better. I don't control it very well to be honest but I feel it when I'm in the need to use it. And it just comes out of nowhere. Everyone who was in my eyesight experienced it. I never meant to use it on all the Cullens, it just happened. I can't say I regret it, because I don't. Except maybe on Esme and Carlisle, they weren't there when the… accident happened.

I not only hated him. I hated the whole family. Even though it weren't their teeth stuck in my neck. They were just as guilty by just watching me become a vampire. I couldn't help myself that I felt a rage for everyone.

I still shudder at the memories of the pain I felt. Being destroyed by fire and not being able to do anything. It was burning me slowly away and the only thing I could do was wait. I was never a patient person, but waiting until I would be a pile of ashes was horrible.

My ears heard the bombastic footsteps of two humans and I automatically began to follow the sound. My body became more tense with every step I took in their direction. I was preparing myself. Preparing to not attack them. They were in an alley, I don't know who they are but alleys are dangerous. No one was safe there. Not even gangsters.

I hid in the darkness across the street, observing them. I took a sniff in the air, but immediately regretted it. The flames in my throat flared up, begging me to give in. I wanted to give in. I wanted it so bad.

_Kill them! Do it! No more pain._

_No!_

My fingers sunk into the wall I leaned against, crushing pieces of cement. I stopped breathing, pressing my lips into a tight line. Keeping the venom inside.

I listened to their conversation. A manly aggressive voice demanding the girl to walk faster of he'll hurt her again. I could see a shiver running down her spine. Yet she dared to answer him. So wrong of her! He turned around and slapped her cheek hard, her cry echoing against the walls.

" You insolent child!" I didn't like this voice. Aggressive, not a grain of respect, not even just a little bit. He was her father I think.

Her face came into my view. I knew the girl. I'm supposed to know her. She felt vaguely familiar. Like I have known her for a long time. I tortured my brain, looking for a face like the one I saw now.

The man grabbed her throat, cutting of her air, and pushed her backwards. She fell on the ground, hitting her head hard. She didn't move anymore. Unconscious.

What was her name?

Eva?

Eve?

Ivy!

That's it. Filthy bastard! I rushed forward, letting my anger go. While grabbing him by his throat I slammed him against the wall. No more control over myself. Fuck control!

I felt an overwhelming rage. The need to kill. Violence was now part of my life and in some sick way I enjoyed it.

It was indeed Ivy's father. The memories were coming back. I had only seen him once, but that was enough to make me want to avoid him for the rest of my days in Forks. He looked like the abusive type but I never thought he was it. My fingers dug into the flesh of his throat, feeling the warmth against them, feeling the accelerated pulse of his heart. Blood ran along my arm into the sleeve of my jacket. He gagged, choking in his own blood. Unable to scream. I moved my fingers, literally ripping his throat open with my nails. I grabbed him before his body could hit the ground and placed my lips against the large open wound.

I enjoyed the blood more, know that I knew I had killed an abusive bastard and possibly saved Ivy's life.

Suddenly a force came out of nowhere and grabbed my throat with a death grip. My hand clawed at the persons hand in an attempt to release me. I had been in my own enchanting world of blood I didn't heard Jasper coming. He glanced briefly at the dead body.

He sighed: " Lexi, what have you done?!"

" I saved my best friends life!"

" You drank human blood!"

A humorlessly laugh escaped my lips: " He deserved it! And if I remember it correctly so have you - " Pain flashed over his face "- Look what you have created. An out of control newborn who doesn't want to walk on your leash! You hate me all!"

He looked shocked, surprised: " We don't hate you. We want to help you."

I chuckled. He released his grip on me, his hands sliding down my arms. For a moment I felt like everything that happened was gone. The touch, the feather light tingling on my arms combined with a warm almost fuzzy feeling as his hands slid over them. It feels almost right, loving. And so imaginary.

He took a step back, his expression almost frightening: " What do you want me to do, Lexi?! Are you going to torture me forever? I made a terrible mistake, one I can't fix. And I have to live with it for the rest of my fucking eternity! Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness on my knees, because I will do it!"

His fist hit the wall inches away from my face, releasing his fuming anger. I was taken back, startled. I didn't show him my terror, but it was definitely present within my body. O god, even feeling it wasn't save. He was an empath.

I swallowed, clenching my fists: " Here's the thing Jasper. I'm not a monster, like you think I am. Even if I wanted to forgive you I can't. I will never be able to do that!" I could see the hurt in his eyes, the pleading for forgiveness.

" Than let me help you! You want to learn how to fight right? I can teach you a lot. I even want to help you gain control over your gift. You can use it on me until you master it. I'll do anything!"

Pathetic!

" No!" I replied snarling " I only want to be able to fight because I fantasize about ripping you to shreds and I don't need any help with my gift! Who says I don't control it?!"

He dropped to his knees, like a wounded soldier: " Than kill me! I know you want to."

I was perplexed, utterly confused about his words. Was he crazy? Was he serious? How many times hadn't I fantasized about it? Of the satisfied feeling it would give me? My fingers twitched around his neck. I swallowed loudly, closing my eyes, trying to picture myself doing it.

I sighed and backed away. My voice was nothing more than a low, muted whisper: " I can't do it. I'm not monstrous enough. It would hurt your family."

I couldn't kill Jasper, even though I wanted to. Was I too weak to do it or too strong to don't do it? There was a painful, death silence, the only thing that could be heard was Ivy's strong heartbeat. I focused all my attention on him. It distracted me enough to not drain her on the spot.

For the first time I saw Jasper's beauty. He was blond, tall and lean and I could only imagine the abs hidden under his shirt. His skin was absolutely covered in scars, spaced most thickly together on his neck and jaw. All bites of vampires who most likely were dead, killed by him. How many vampires had tried to kill Jasper? Hundreds? Thousands? The same number that had died in the attempt. Most of his scars were situated in his neck and his jaw. I couldn't imagine that even a vampire survived so many sets of teeth ripping into his throat. His honey blond curls fell just above his collar. Despite those scars he was still model - like gorgeous. I couldn't deny that Jasper was very attractive, even my eyes agreed. In my personal opinion those scars didn't reduce his beauty. It was a sign, he was strong and manly. What most women want. I shamed myself to admit it, but it was including me.

I thought for a moment. He seemed desperate to fix his mistake and all he seemed to want was helping me.

" There is one thing you can do to make things easier for me."

He replied begging: " Anything!"

" Leave!"

" What?" He questioned.

" Leave the Cullens. It would be so much easier for me if I wasn't constantly reminded on the fact that the vampire who marked me for life lives in the same house as I do."

His face fell, dropping twenty degrees under zero. It was scary. It was obvious he cared for them. A lot.

" Let's go back home to Forks and bring Ivy home." His voice was cold, emotionless. I had clearly hit a nerve.

I nodded, Ivy had to get out of here before she would wake up and see her death father and me or before I would lose control again. Jasper went to grab her, but I was faster in front of her than a second could pass.

" Lexi, it's not a good idea for you to be near her. I can see how much it takes of you to don't drain her. Go back to the house and hunt. I'll bring her home safe and sound. I promise I won't hurt her."

How much I hated the idea of Ivy being this close to Jasper, he was right. I hadn't the control. Even if I managed to don't bit her I was sure I would break her in half with my strength.

My body fought against the idea, with great effort I stepped aside. Feeling vulnerably, Ivy was one of my weak spots.

I bit my lip: " Fine, but if you touch one tiny little hair on her head I won't hesitate to kill you. I will run back home and if you have hurt her prepare to die in my hands."

He nodded, understanding I wasn't joking.

" Are you here by car?" I asked, not wanting Ivy to get pneumonia.

" Yes."

" Okay, drive carefully please and don't you dare putting her in the trunk."

He nodded and took off with fragile - still unconscious - Ivy in his arms.

I glared deathly at Ivy's death father, spitting the thick venom that pooled inside my mouth on him.

I turned, walking away from the man I killed. Preparing to face the Cullens.

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><p><strong>Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes in it.<strong>

**So have you enjoyed? I would love a review. Please leave one **

**xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's the new chapter. With a Lexi and Jasper pov. I think it's clear who's pov it is. **

**What do you think of Lexi? What do you want to happen?** **What do you think is going to happen? **

**I have some ideas for this story. There will be action and drama in the following chapters but it will take some time.**

**Enjoy! And don't be scared to leave a review.**

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><p>The Cullen house was hostile territory for me. I felt slightly nervous. How would they react when they heard what happened in Port Angeles? With how much percent was their hatred towards me going to increase? And when was Jasper coming home?! I didn't trust him at all. I had some very good reasons too.<p>

I wasn't a person who was always full of herself, but I think I did a pretty good job not killing Ivy. Her father, well, he deserved it. His death was actually more of my anger taking it over and not the thirst.

My worry about Ivy was so strong, I felt sick, wanting to go to her house. But I stopped myself from doing it, the last thing I wanted to do was killing her. I flinched from the thought. How would she react when she found out the truth? Her father was dead, murdered, laying in an alley in Port Angeles with his throat sliced open. The killer was known, it was only a matter of time before Ivy knew it.

_Don't be ridiculous! You are so to say runaway, nobody will ever find out! And certainly not Ivy. And besides nobody would even bother to look at dazzling looking Lexi. Lexi was innocent. Lexi couldn't kill a grown man._

I wasn't aware of the vampire storming towards me and I hadn't time to react. Rosalie - the blond goodness-like vampire - ducked under my defensive, swinging arm and grabbed a hold of my head, her hands on each side of it. The force became stronger each millisecond her hands were on the side of it. The moment she grabbed a hold of me I started thinking what I had to do. I had to get out of her grip and fast or I wasn't going to live through this. I was a newborn, strong as hell. I would crush her.

Who was she to attack me?! Who was she to even try it?! She knows what can happen!

For the moment I was the strongest one, the one who could crush vampires like Emmett without blinking, but I knew my newborn strength would vanish once I was a year old. It was mentioned a couple of times. The Cullens were looking forward to it, the moment I was no longer physically stronger than them. And then I would have to rely on something else than strength. Possibly my gift, if I managed to control it consciously. The idea of Jasper being - willingly - my victim was… tempting. I needed someone to practice on, and why not on somebody who killed me?

The Cullens could all fight, even Alice and I was a taller than her. Not that much, but still. I wanted to learn it too. YouTube and Google said that it isn't all about strength but about skill and technique. Strength was definitely an advantage in a fight. And I had a lack of skill and technique too. But I could learn, I already knew how to pin someone's arm behind his back and to lock a wrist in a very painful way, but I doubted that it would work on a vampire. I needed to find a teacher, a real one. One where I hadn't the urge to rip him or her apart.

My right arm grabbed hers, my nails clawing in her skin and I stepped away from her as much as her grip allowed it. The next thing that happened was Rosalie thrown off balance, flipped over my shoulder and laying on the ground.

I was on top of her as soon she wanted to get back up, smashing her face with my fists.

" You messed with the wrong bitch, blondie!" I snarled, cruel excitement spreading over my face.

_Rosalie was going to have so much pain!_

_Rosalie was going to scream for mercy! _

_Rosalie was going to die! _

She managed to push me of her, sending me crashing to the ground a couple of meters away. I snarled lively at her.

Rosalie and I met each other in mid-air, the sound of two rocks crashing to together ringing merciless in the air and I was determinate to send her head rolling across the Cullens their yard. I was angry beyond believable, my power swelling inside me, ready to kick in. I was ready to let it go when a wave of calmness crashed over me, suppressing my anger and with that my gift. Rosalie should praise herself lucky.

Jasper was back.

My hands were clenched tightly together, afraid if I opened them I would wring them around Rosalie's neck, which I wanted really, really bad. Her black eyes were staring at me with such an intense hate I could almost feel it burning on my flesh. I smiled defiantly at her.

_Come on Rosalie, give me a reason to rip you apart. _

Edwards head cocked my side, glaring at me for having such thoughts, and blocking me view so I couldn't see her anymore.

Jasper was next to me in an instant, keeping a tight hold on my upper arm. I was too fixed on Rosalie to care but I felt the tingling and the warm fuzzy feeling on my arm again. What was that feeling? And why did I liked it?

Rosalie was held back by Emmett who gave me a dark look. I looked back, just as dark as he did.

" Don't look at me that way, Emmett. I didn't jump her, maybe you should keep your bitch under control!"

Rosalie snarled, trying to step away from Emmett's iron embrace. Jasper tightened his grip, his fingers pinching my skin to a point I could feel them on my bones. It didn't hurt though.

" Lexi, stop this!" Jasper said, his voice soft and still hurt from the words I had said in Port Angeles.

I turned around, looking straight into his eyes so I could detect any possible lies: " Fine! Is Ivy home again?"

His eyes were the most beautiful, liquid gold that I had ever seen. The gold taking over what I guess had been once a chestnut brown or a forget-me-not blue. Anyway, his eyes were just pretty. Mine were just terribly red. I look like a freaking albino. I couldn't wait until mine would be the same beautiful liquid gold.

He nodded: " Yes, I brought her home, her mother was on the edge of calling the police. She woke up just as I was about to drive into the street where she lives."

The relief I felt was overwhelming. Ivy was safe and Jasper hadn't hurt her. Should I thank him? If I thanked him, he could see it as a first step on the way to forgiveness and it wasn't. Or was it?

I sighed heavy, murmuring a silent 'thank you'.

" She asked a lot of questions. I just said I have seen her on school and I found her laying on the street unconscious so I brought her home. No bad intentions."

I nodded briefly, pleased with the answer he had given her.

I straightened my back and started walking towards the house, wanting to take a shower to clean the dried blood under my nails and the blood that stick to my arm.

I had to pass the Cullens. Rosalie looked like she wanted to see me burn on a stake with my head on a silver plate. I ignored her easily.

Emmett looked like I had ruined the non-existing, friendship between us.

Alice, well, Alice looked like Alice, watching the clothes I wore with a look of distaste. And disappointment of what had happened.

Edward was his usual self, but the look he gave me was one of pity. I was of the rails and I couldn't get back on.

Esme and Carlisle gave me a disappointed look, which made me feel bad. I didn't know why, but it did. And not a little bit, they looked at me like I had stabbed them with a knife in their back.

Even though I had completely shut myself off of any emotions, they seemed to touch something in me. I didn't like it.

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><p>The whole story of what happened in Port Angeles shocked my family, ofcourse I left out a couple of thing that had been said.<p>

" When is Eleazar coming?" Edward asked

" He said he and Carmen will arrive around sunrise." Carlisle replied. I could tell he was disappointed in Lexi. The way she acted towards all of us was beginning to take its toll. Even Carlisle who was always so kind and compassionate was losing faith in Lexi.

" Finally! Maybe he can give us come clarity about her gift."

" Are Tanya and the rest coming too?"

" No, they decided they wouldn't come. But they are planning on visiting us soon."

Lexi appeared on top of the stairs, dressed in her usual clothes. My eyes fixed on every detail of her. Her long damp hair, her face, her body, her smell.

Lexi's beauty was dazzling, superb and brilliant. Even considered breathtaking. Physically, she attracted me so much. Her beauty was way to pleasant for my eyes. Every time I caught myself thinking about her in a way I shouldn't. And every time Edward and Alice looked at each other with a grin and a look in their eyes that showed they knew something nobody else did.

Lexi's almost wet, deep sweet, warm scent from when she was human was gone, but it was still the best scent I had ever smelled. The warm vanilla was gone, just like the lilies and the fresh lime and mandarin. What was left of her old scent was adapted. The white musk surrounded her now without being to overpowering, the peppermint provided a touch of freshness. The caramel made sure her smell wasn't just seductive and fresh, it was there with a purpose, adding depth and warmth in her scent. To finish it, the roses were only smellable when she was near you and you took a deep sniff.

" Who's coming?" She demanded.

" Eleazar and his mate Carmen of the Denali coven. They're like us, we consider them family." Carlisle said, not looking at her.

" Why?" The hostility in Lexi's voice made clear she wasn't too keen on meeting new vampires.

" Eleazar has a gift of his own. He can identify the supernatural gifts of other vampires. He comes to see you."

Lexi looked questioningly at us but decided it wasn't interesting enough and disappeared to the attic again.

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><p>It was seven o'clock when the rescuing knock on the door of Eleazar and his mate echoed through the house.<p>

Hallelujah, praise the lord.

Esme opened the door, welcoming our guest with her usual warm smile: " Eleazar, Carmen welcome. It's so good to see you again. Come in."

Eleazar and Carmen greeted everyone, but one particular member was missing.

" Lexi would you please come down?" Carlisle asked her politely, hoping she wouldn't be rude towards our guests. Or try to kill them.

She sighed deeply, letting us know she was doing this against her will. Her steps where at a human pace, coming down the stairs oh so slowly. Her face looked bored, any sign of interest missing.

She stood next to me, still a couple of steps away, but relatively close to me.

" Lexi I want you to meet Eleazar and his mate Carmen." Carlisle said, eyeing her as a sign to shake ours guest's hands on a civilized way.

" Pleasure." She replied boring, her eyes examining her shiny nails.

Carlisle shared a look with Eleazar, one that said he shouldn't pay attention to her behavior.

" So you are the Cullens their newest member. It's a pleasure to meet you, Lexi." She looked away from her nails, observing Eleazar.

" Look, you're here for my gift, do your thing, catch up with the Cullens, but leave me alone." Lexi was straightforward. A little rude but straightforward.

" Yes, I will do my thing, miss Lexi."

Eleazar took a step closer to Lexi which made her uncomfortable and wary. As soon as he took a step forward, he had five steps taken back, taking Carmen with him, placing his body defensively in front of hers.

" Mi dulce, what's wrong?" Carmen asked, sort of demanded.

He gasped, clearly shocked. We were all tensed up, nobody really trusted what was going to come.

" Eleazar! What is it? Is she an illusionist?"

He looked at Lexi who just stood there, looking glorious and strained.

" She is! But a hole other type!"

Curiosity rolled off of everyone. What was so special about Lexi, that made Eleazar so frightened, prepared to fight?

" Tell us!"

" She's not a normal illusionist. There's only one illusion she can create, the one of death! Her gift is death illusion!"

O God. Death stands literally beside me.

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><p><strong>So what do you think?<strong>

**Leave a review**

**X**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 is up! Hope you like it**

**What do you think of Lexi's gift, powerful enough? There are some Lexi pov's on their way, I hope you like her view on things.**

**I have this plot in my head, but I would love to hear what you think is going to happen in the following chapters. Maybe I can use some ideas ;)**

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><p>Things were messed up. Everything was messed up.<p>

" What do you mean with dead illusion?"

Confusion, a strong emotion that rules the Cullen house at his moment. I looked at Lexi, she just stood there watching everyone carefully to anticipate in case of any future-attacks. I could feel she hated it to be the main subject. All eyes were staring at her.

Eleazar was still in front of Carmen, protecting her with his body. If only he knew her illusion could spread itself. Shielding Carmen with his body was useless, if Lexi held a strong hatred against you she used it anyway. No escaping possible.

" She creates an illusion of death, deceives you with it!" Eleazar explained, his lip slightly pulled over his teeth in a snarl. His eyes held a strong hatred and fear. They screamed 'kill her'

I had to stop myself from snarling. I didn't like the idea that somebody saw Lexi as an enemy. It brought out the defensive in me, the urge to protect her against traits. Lexi was a sensitive subject for me.

Edward snorted : " Can't you see it? She has used it on all of us. Now think about what you've felt during that horrible scene. She kills the victim in his own mind, making him see his own death. The physical body is left in a vegetative, but alive state. You feel fear and pain as her illusionary self, kills you. You're paralyzed, unable to use any of your senses and your gift. You become shielded from the outside and the only thing you know is your own death. Over and over and over!"

I didn't feel so great, knowing Lexi was that powerful. I had volunteered for her to use her gift on me, thinking she could create other illusions like a peaceful field of beautiful flowers or a bright sunset. But apparently the only thing she could do was killing the minds of others. Fantastic.

I glanced at her, she looked smug, knowing the potential she had was incredible. She turned her head and met my gaze, her red eyes sparkling slightly as she looked at me and her lips pulled up in a sweet yet evil smile. She remembered my words.

" Eleazar how strong is she? We already know more than one person gets affected."

Eleazar grabbed Carmen's wrist, backing away a little more: " Strong! Everyone who is in her view gets probably affected. She holds great power. Keep her away from Aro, he will want her more than anything!"

With those words he and Carmen fled our house.

Lexi grinned: " Oh wow, this is one of the few times I'm actually innocent."

We all ignored her, there was a lot to think about. Lexi needed control over her gift, something she doesn't have at the moment. But with control comes practice. She needed someone to practice on. The reason why she was so content was clear. She had found her puppet to practice on.

" So when is gift training going to start?" she asked sheepishly, blinking with her long dark eyelashes.

I wasn't comfortable with the thought. But it was Lexi, I couldn't refuse if she asked me. I wasn't sure if I could refuse her anything. I had put her through all this pain and I would do anything to help her. So if that meant I would suffer my dead a couple of times and it would gain Lexi control, than I would gladly help her. Although I had to suppress the shiver running down my spine when I thought about it.

" Soon, I'm going to help you." I replied. She smiled at me, a smile that made my knees weak. Bright, beautiful and absolutely not with good intentions.

She clapped her hands: " Fantastic." In a flash she was back on the attic, watching her fight movies on YouTube again.

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><p>I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from growling at Lexi. It was my primal instinct to do it. My mind recognized Lexi as the threat who causes me severe, excruciating pain. My instinct said I should rip her to shreds and burn her because she does that to me too. But I couldn't. Not Lexi.<p>

The thought of a dead Lexi - deader than she was now - was enough to make me want to kill the person who would even consider it. My mind reacted viciously to it.

She looked innocent at me, but under the surface I know she was laughing out loud. She enjoyed my pain, but once again it was what I deserved. I had once enjoyed something of her too. The memory of how she had tasted, the explosion of the most heavenly taste ever in my mouth, created a desire in my throat. I ignored it the best I could.

It was day one of Lexi's training and the fifth time she used her gift on me. Lexi's gift was triggered by anger, the primal rage to do others harm and thus keeping herself safe. It wasn't hard to make Lexi outraged, very easy to do so. Come near her and she was angered. Touch her and she was angered. The list went on and on. But anger wasn't a source she should use. The whole point of this exercise, my pain, was to gain control and when you were outraged control was the last thing you thought about. No, Lexi needed another source where she could put strength out.

Lexi's illusion stayed the same, every time the same scene replayed itself in my head. Edward's theory was that the illusion adapted to the person she used it on.

" Lexi, I don't think anger isn't the right way to trigger your gift."

She arched a dark, well-shaped eyebrow: " Why not? Anger makes people strong, fierce!"

" It's not the right way!"

The illusion came back, delivering a fatal blow. I was over after a few seconds, my body resting on the ground in a fruitless attempt to shake the pain away.

" You see Jasper, I already have control. What anger isn't good for."

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><p>A week had passed and Lexi already had a relatively great control over her gift. Ofcourse, there was always room for improvement. Anger was her source and it seemed to work after a week of intense, hour lasting trainings. Where it took others decades, even centuries to keep their gift under control, it took Lexi a week.<p>

It was the week Eleazar had called us to inform that it was better to break contact with the family for a while. It was just a more polite way of telling us that they didn't want to see us anymore until we had dumped Lexi.

Dumping Lexi was out of the question.

It was also the week Lexi and I had a major battle.

Lexi said she had enough control and decided to stop the trainings. I still stick to the point anger wasn't the right way.

Lexi thought she was strong enough to give being around humans another try. She wasn't, not in her state. Luckily, we had talked it out of her head.

Lexi was thirsty and extremely moody because she had to go hunting with me. But she didn't threw a tantrum.

Lexi ran away once we were in the forest, running south were a group of deer was waiting for her. She was fast, one step of her was equal to two steps of me. I thought it was harmless. I was so terribly wrong.

The wind turned, blowing right in our faces, revealing the scent of a hiker near the border of Canada. Lexi tensed up, eyes crazy, lips pressed into a thin line, a pained look on her face. She stood perfectly, beautifully still. My nerves threatened to snap.

And then she let out a tortured scream and started to run towards the scent.

I couldn't follow her, her newborn strength taking her further and further away from me. Her delicious scent blowing in my face. Eventually she was out of my sight.

" Lexi!"

By the time I got to the mountain to save that hiker's life, Lexi was already halfway. Her fingers clawing into the rocks, driving her further to the hiker. She looked at me and started to climb faster. I couldn't get there on time. My own speed and determination took me in an impossible speed upwards the mountain. But I was too late.

I heard a deep scream, coming out of a man's throat. My nostrils flared at the smell of the delicious blood, spilled by Lexi. I hissed out, a weak attempt to suppress the pain in my throat and the desire to join Lexi on her blood drinking party.

" Lexi, no!" I roared, making her turn her body so her eyes were on me. Her teeth dug deeper into the man's neck, watching me with a vicious hunger in her eyes as I came closer.

The man didn't move anymore, Lexi's arms keeping him pressed tightly against her body. She lifted her head and dropped the man's body making it fall of the mountain. It hit the ground with a thud.

Her mouth was crystal red, her lips shining with blood. The idea of my tongue running across them was driving me crazy. She was a messy eater, all newborns were. A little blood spatter stick to the slightly purple bags under her eyes. She lifted her shaking right hand, bringing it to her mouth. Shock. She was shocked. This man she had killed was innocent. Ivy's father had been violent, but this man didn't deserve his death.

She started sobbing, sinking to the small mountain path. My hand went to comfort her in soft, rubbing circles on her back but she growled animalistic, grabbing the collar of my shirt and bringing me off balance. We fell together off the mountain. My hands were around her neck, keeping her snapping teeth away from my face. Her back hit the ground first, leaving it with a Lexi shaped dent. My hands grabbed her wrists before she would poke my eyes out with her long nails.

Her legs wrapped around my waist in a bone crushing grip, using every ounce of her newborn strength against me. My mind thought about this particular pose in a book named the Kama Sutra. I banned the heavy sexually tinted image out of my head.

_Not with Lexi! Not with Lexi! _

I could feel a few bones snap but I refused to let her go because of the pain. My own teeth snapped at her as a warning to stop this ridiculous fight.

" Stop it, Lexi!" She furiously shook her head " Stop it!"

Her body went still, her struggling stopped when she realized she was better off not fighting.

" I killed him. I killed an innocent man!" Her voice was shaky, hurt, like a wounded little animal.

" I know." I simply said, there was no point in ignoring her killing because it couldn't be ignored.

" You know!" She shrieked, my eardrums protesting against the awfully loud sound.

" Lexi, you can't go on with this… behavior. Let us help you. Let us help you become controlled."

She refused to look into my eyes. " Leave." She whispered.

My whole body went cold. She asked me to leave my family. The ones who helped me through a difficult period of my life. Who saved me from a destiny filled with pain and killing. To turn my back on them. The thought brought me almost to my knees and there was a sharp pain in my chest that I couldn't suppress.

Lexi was in pain. Her small body filled with that powerful emotion she couldn't handle. I will take her pain away.

My face was hard, my tone harsh. I couldn't help it." You're filled with so much hatred and pain. It's enough, I've done all I could think off. But I will do one last thing. I will leave my family."

It was better I was in pain than Lexi. The last thing I wanted was to see Lexi in pain. I was used to pain, my whole life I've known pain. The thought of a peaceful Lexi brought also peace to my mind.

Lexi was worth it. Lexi was worth to suffer for. I would do anything for her.

I stood up, not looking at Lexi: " Go back to the family. We will take care of the body."

She stared at me, chewing on her lip. She opened her mouth, as if she wanted to say something but closed it again.

She gave me one last look, watching me with surprise and something that resembled guilt. Her emotions were a mess. But one thing I felt clearly: regret.

It was too late for regret.

Tonight I would leave my family.

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><p><strong>I would love a review. Thank you <strong>

**x**


	7. Chapter 7

**It took me a while, but finally here's chapter 7 of _When death stands beside you_. I hope you like it. It's a bit of a boring chapter, but it will get very interesting very soon..**

**SPOILERS of the next chapters(s): **

*** The wolves will jump in**

*** Lexi will discover more about her gift**

*** Somebody will be attacked **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>My departure would be short, despite the best effort that my family would make to stop me from making a terrible mistake that I would definitely, without a doubt regret. Hell, I even regretted it and I hadn't even left the house yet.<p>

But I would leave all my sorrow with them, and the thought somehow freed me.

I threw all my clothes into the first suitcase I could find, - which happened to be Rosalie's Louis Vuitton - not bothering to even fold them neatly or to pick out clothes that would suit the destinations I planned to go to and made my mind as clear and empty as possible, the destinations carefully hidden for Edward behind the lyrics of French songs, an entire movie I replayed in my mind and famous quotes of William Shakespeare. I didn't want to think about it much, because if I did I would have second thoughts and I gave Lexi my word.

Alice clutches my arm, temporary stopping me from throwing in more clothes in the suitcase, clicking it together, lifting it and disappearing out of the lives of my family. Out of Lexi's life. It pained me.

I did it all for her. For her sake, her happiness. She deserved peace, closure. And I hoped that after my departure she would become a calmer, nicer girl, one who wasn't full of hate and viciousness. I hoped she would accept my family, and see them eventually as her family too. Above all I hoped she would forgive me, only then I knew that what I did today would have been right.

" Please Jasper, don't go!" Alice begged and she clung to my arm with her full body weight, trying to stop me once more. I felt her despair and her pain. We had met so long ago, in a godforsaken place. She was the one who helped me out of the miserable life I had led and introduced me into a much brighter one with the Cullens. Everything I had now, that I had built up, was with the help of Alice. I couldn't be more grateful to her, there were no words for it.

I threw my arms around her petite form and pulled her closer. This would be the last contact we had, physical at least. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay in contact with them, it would only make things more painful. And I would only miss them more.

For a brief second I planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered a hoarse " Thank you for everything!" in her ear.

A small jab of jealousy hit me and I recognized the person even without the slightest doubt. Lexi. But why was she jealous? I couldn't imagine Lexi as a jealous type of girl. I shook it off. Placed it in a corner of my mind as non-important among many other things.

When I let her go, I struggled to speak out the words : " No Alice, I have to go you don't understand. I do it for her."

" Staying would be the only thing good for her!" I wasn't sure if Alice had really said it. Even my ears could barely hear it. The words were so softly spoken that it was so hard to understand them.

I was fully well aware that Lexi was downstairs, listening to every words we said. But I didn't care. Soon I would be gone.

I shook Alice off and reached for my suitcase, lifting it easily with 2 fingers. Everybody had gathered in the living room, even Lexi, who stood in the empty corner where once Edwards beloved piano stood and watched me with big, red eyes. They seemed more vivid due to the blood she had consumed. There was also some sadness recognizable in it.

The human she had killed last night had been found by the police and identified as Andrew Morin, a 25-year old Canadian hiker and Carlisle had to do the medical examination of the corpse. His professional conclusion was that the hiker fell of the mountains and then got attacked by a bear. It happened all the time. Hikers who grabbed the wrong part of the rock, who slipped and fell. It was a well-covered up story.

Lexi felt extremely guilty for her killing that, she cried and cried and cried tears that would never spill, until she just snapped out of it and became ice-cold again. I knew she still felt it, inside she still felt the guilt. It never went away.

" Jasper." Esme my mother for all purposes sobbed and I knew the pain she felt, was for losing a son today. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me - refusing to let me go - until Carlisle pulled her away. All my family members hugged me and said how much they were going to miss me and that I didn't had to do this. It only made my heart ache more. But they were wrong. I had to do this for Lexi.

Emmett gave me strong, brotherly pads – the shocks bouncing on my bones - on my back, just like Edward and they wished me the best. Carlisle gave me the fatherly hug. I knew it was also hard for him. We were family and losing family wasn't simple.

" Son, you are always welcome back. We want you to come back. You have to!" I simply nodded. I didn't want to make any promises that I knew who had a very high risk of being broken.

Edward's gaze flickered over to me for a second, but the message was as clear as a starless night sky: ' don't hurt him more.'

After one more hug from Alice and Rosalie and one more from Esme I looked at Lexi. For the last time in what would be a very long period. She nodded at me, eyes looking down and I swear I could've seen her lip quiver in the emotional way and then she bit it. Not in the nervous kind of way but a whole new way that made me have thoughts I shouldn't have.

" Not a word!" I hissed mentally at Edward.

Lexi's guilt and sadness washed over my in strong waves but I couldn't determine whether it was because of the innocent human she had killed or because she had chased me away.

I could see how she lifted her head, her eyes meeting my gaze and we looked at each other. Our minds having trains of thoughts swirling around.

I tore my eyes away from her - against the strong will of my mind -, her pale gorgeous face forever burned into my memory. I was going to miss everyone, there was no denying. But what surprised me was that I found myself already fretting over Lexi.

Against common sense, I would miss her. She definitely did something to me that is still unknown to me.

With my suitcase in my hand I walked towards the garage. I could run but in this case I preferred not to. I tossed the suitcase in Emmett's jeep - that I could temporarily borrow, although we both knew that temporarily had no definition this time - and got in myself. I didn't knew with what story my family would came up with to keep people from getting suspicious. Probably something as a severe case of pneumonia or mono. Or maybe I moved out. I could've dropped out of school and move away, after all I was according to my application form for Forks High School 18. It would be one of the stupid decisions teens made these days.

I stepped roughly on the gas - Emmett's jeep giving a fierce roar before it shot forward like a bullet - and drove away with more heart ache than I had ever felt.

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><p>I stayed downstairs, waiting until my advanced hearing didn't picked up the sound of the jeep Jasper drove anymore. He was gone. Jasper was gone. I never expected him to listen to me. After all I was used to being ignored. He did what I told him. He left his family for me, to ease my pain and make life - the few bit I had - easier for me.<p>

I can't say I'm not surprised. What would I do when someone would force me to leave my family behind? That is if I was still with them. The answer was simple: I would become a very aggressive teen, punch the stupid idea out of that person's had and probably end up in a youth detention center.

Jasper didn't refuse. I felt remarkably awful for forcing Jasper to leave and separating him from his family. I somehow cared. Was it possible that I started to care what Jasper felt? That I started to care about Jasper?

I had felt jealous, it was awful to admit, but I had. I didn't know why. Was it because Jasper had hugged Alice. Because they had a close bond?

_No!_ I shook the thought out of my head, because I remembered I had no privacy in this house, and I let my eyes dart towards Edward and thought the last words about privacy extra loud.

I made my way to the stairs to wallow more in self-pity in my room, when I heard Rosalie's voice, ice cold with an unbelievable anger laced into it.

" It should've been you, you know!" I turned around to face her.

" It should've been you that is driving away!" She spat, clenching her teeth and the blond goddess looked more than ready to kill.

I planned to keep my mouth shut - knowing she was right - but a muscle clenched in my jaw: " I know!"

" Then why are you such a vicious, little bitch and did you chase my brother away!"

" Rosalie-" Esme started but she didn't got the chance to finish her sentence.

" No! Jasper's family. He made a mistake by changing her, I get it. But Jasper's family, she isn't. She should leave!" she screamed.

I swallowed, locked my gaze to the ground and disappeared, while I cried on the inside.

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><p>" <em>Lexi!" My brother yelled, his voice irritated and he nudged his elbow into my small body. I giggled, gaining my pleasure out of teasing my brother. I continued poking my brother in his ribs, making him more and more annoyed with each poke of my little finger.<em>

" _Lexi stop it! You stupid, little brat!" he snarled, eyes fixed on his Gameboy, playing some Mario game. My last poke made him lose his game and he cursed an F-word._

" _Terry! Watch your language around your little sister!" My mother warned and turned around in her seat, giving my brother the - one-more-time-and-you-have-house-arrest- look. For a boy of 17 that was somehow the worst possible thing that could happen. That and being forced in a car with his parents and little sister, on a vacation to Yogi Bear's Jelly stone Park Camp Resort in Hagerstown, Maryland. _

" _She ruined my game, mom!" he complained " And my life when she was born!" he added softly._

" _What did you say?" My mother raised her voice and turned around once more. The look in her eyes said that it just had become very dangerous for him to say another word._

_I giggled again. O, how much I loved this!_

" _Nothing." He murmured softly and crossed his arms, staring with a made gaze at the seat of my mother and I guessed he cursed her in his head repeatedly._

" _Terry…" I nagged, he turned his annoyed eyes towards me " you're a pimple head!"_

_I giggled again as Terry chose to ignore me but I could see he had a difficult time doing that._

_Then I started to became bored and I needed everyone to know._

" _Mom, I'm so bored! Are we almost there?" I whined like a little child, which I was for the record not. After all I was already 9 years old._

" _Almost." She replied bored, without taking her eyes of the magazine she was reading. My father kept his eyes glued on the road, but the dark circles under his eyes were a very clear sign that he was tired after hours of non-stop driving and leaving as soon as he came home from his work._

" _Yellow car!" I yelled and slapped my brother in the back of his neck, hard for my small child hand. We - mostly I - always played yellow car. It was easy and fun. When you saw a yellow car you hit the person you played the game with in the back of his neck. It was fun when you could hit, not when you got hit. _

_Terry gave a small yelp of surprise and pain : " You little brat!" he yelled and he hit me back in the back of my neck, with his large teenage hand. It was way harder than I had hit him and my neck burned of the pain._

_So I started doing the only thing that would tear away my mother's eyes from her magazine and punish my brother at the same time: I started crying, screeching, bleating like a slaughtered lamb and fought back._

_I tried to scratch his face with my nails, but failed miserably as Terry grabbed my thin wrists._

" _Enough!" my father barked loudly and he turned sharply around in his seat, taking his eyes of the road, looking directly at us with a tired, mad gaze. I guess we finally got on his nerves._

_I wish we didn't._

_When he looked back at the road he had to make a sharp turn to the right, to avoid crashing mercilessly into a very large truck and turning his car - with his whole family in it - into a can of sardines._

_For some reason I wish he didn't._

_Instead of crashing into the truck, and without a doubt ending our lives immediately, we got off the road heading right into the roadside were large trees stood proudly next to each other._

_I screamed so hard it hurt my throat and grabbed a hold of Terry, needing him, wanting my big brother to protect me._

_In the distance I heard my mother scream and my father and I also recognized my brother's as his grip became closer to desperately keep me from this un-avoidable harm._

_Everything happened so very quick after that._

_We crashed and there was so much pain._

_I somehow managed to crawl out of the car and so did Terry and my mother. Terry blacked out quickly after getting to safety. I could see his temple was bleeding, a thin line of thick red liquid running over his face._

_My mother on the other hand fought to stay into this world. In vain. She failed._

_Her shaking hand reached out to me and her bloody fingers touched my cheek for a moment and then she tried to inhale a breath but her eyes rolled back into her head and she was gone too._

_A loud sound made me turn away my attention from my death mother. Our car exploded, a big cloud of red and orange flames and my father was still in it! _

_Flames came into my direction, fast and threateningly, and the only thing I could do was bring up my arms in front of me - trying to ignore the horrible sharp pain of the glass in my stomach and the broken bones I definitely had - , to protect my face and hope burning alive was a quick death. I highly doubted it._

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><p>I blinked. Tears pricked into my eyes, but I knew they would roll down my pale cheek. Not even a small one. I wanted so badly that they would spill. To out my pain, my sadness and despair.<p>

I didn't realized I was screaming - trapped in the pain - until I heard my own screams bouncing against every wall of the magnificent Cullen mansion. The palms of my hand were pressed against my temples, as if I could press the pain out my head. My teeth were gritted, so strong that for a second I thought they were going to shatter.

The memory was blurry, the eyes that had taken it in were obviously human. It was almost annoying, irritating that the memory in my head wasn't as clear as my vision. My eyes were used to sharp, detailed vision, not this.

I cried high-pitched sobs, my screams had only died moments ago. I was upset. I needed someone to calm me down. I needed Jasper. No, I needed his ability.

Whenever I pushed the pain away, it managed to catch up with me. Each blow felt more and more fatal, more painful. It was during that times that I realized that I really needed Jasper. To suppress the pain and magically push it out of my body with his powers.

But he wasn't here and I needed to calm down myself.

Somebody's foot entered the first step of the stairs at vampire speed and I suspected that it was Esme, seeming that only she still seemed to care a bit of me and the step was light as a female's.

" No! I want to be alone!" I said softly but I knew she would hear it effortlessly and I hoped she would understand it. I really needed and wanted to be alone. I didn't know what would happen if anyone would come in now.

I started to take depth breaths, focusing on the feeling of every inhale going through my lungs and rise again, escaping through my nose. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling that Jasper's gift had given me so many times. After a minute or two it worked. I started to calm down all by myself. Given away the fact that I was a mindless newborn, it was a pretty big deal.

Esme's foot disappeared of the stairs and I heard how she turned around to stand back to her family. Why would she want to check upon me, when I had tortured her and her family and made her son leave them?

Because she was good.

She was a good vampire.

No, she was a good person, and I wasn't.

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><p><strong>Reviews are welcome! Leave your thoughts behind x<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 is up! I hope you enjoy it and you can leave your opinions behind in a nice little review ;)**

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><p>It was hard at first. Living with the knowledge that I had forced away someone who loved his family. It made me realize how awful I was. What I had done made me think about Terry and Valeria. How much I actually loved them, even Valeria, who I had never really liked. In my eyes she was just somebody who tried to steal my brother from me, just like death had stolen my parents from me.<p>

It was awkward too. I didn't knew how to act towards the others, so I stayed quiet. It was the safest, most peaceful choice. If I stayed quiet, I couldn't say anything wrong.

Fascinating how days passed without that certain person. Time never stood still.

I received several death glares from Rosalie, the newborn in my wanted to glare back with full force but the old Lexi closed her eyes and continued doing what she was busy with. I guess after a couple of glares I had built up a tolerance for it. Still the cold, death look chilled me to the bone and sometimes if Emmett wasn't around her I thought she would attack me at the place. I saw her fists clench and her teeth grit and I knew she had to restrain herself the best she could. I ignored her the best of my ability.

Nobody really talked to me and I understood that. Really, I did. I would do the same after all if I was in some sort of comparable situation. They - mostly Esme, Carlisle and Alice - asked me to go hunting and I just nodded, accompanying them like I was a shy girl. I hunted mostly deer, the blood filled me and kept the agony in my throat away, but I still craved human blood. I couldn't just forget how my two victims had tasted. Sweet, hot blood straight from the main vain. It wasn't that easy to forget.

However, I was doing good for the moment. Did that counted for Jasper too?

I had no idea where Jasper had gone too and to my surprise I really wanted to know. A part of me kept nagging to know where he was. Was he somewhere safe? Away from other, hostile vampires? Was he somewhere away from humans? Was he still a vegetarian?

I brushed the questions off. The answer on all of the was ' ofcourse he was'. It was weird that I thought so much about him. Only days ago I longed to kill him and now I worried about him. Was worried the correct word?

Yes, it was.

I was becoming paranoid. Maybe sickly obsessed was a better choice of words. I shouldn't think about him. But still I did. When he talked to me, when he looked at me, when he touched me to keep me in place or warned me not to take things too far. My mind was definitely losing it and I didn't care, as long as it all went about Jasper.

I suspected Alice and Edward to know something that nobody else knew. Some dirty secret, where I was in. They whispered and looked at each other sneakily, occasionally glancing at me and when Jasper was still around, him too.

My suspicions had become more prominent when I heard Alice say something like ' … she … not so great … without him' against Edward when we were hunting in the woods three days ago. I didn't have to guess twice to know the names of she and him.

We were in that stupid secret that only Alice and Edward knew and I was dying to know what it was.

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><p>Emmett's jeep left deep tire tracks in the fresh snow that covered the hard ground. The snow storm was just over, not that it bothered me because my skin could easily withstand something like snow, and I was almost arrived on my destination.<p>

The snow made me think of Lexi's skin. White, soft and cold. I found myself longing for it.

I sighed, it was better this way.

After I left I decided I would go to a place with people who shared the same diet and hopefully change the thoughts that Eleazar had over Lexi. I was going to the Denali's in Alaska.

I wasn't entirely sure if I would be still welcome. Surely Eleazar would've told the rest of his family about Lexi, about the Cullens creating a newborn who was more powerful than anything that had ever walked this planet. But it was worth a try. I wanted to tell them that maybe Lexi had found peace, now that she wasn't confronted with me anymore. I was fairly sure things were going a lot of smoother now in Forks.

By the time I arrived, Tanya - the leader of the Denali coven - and her family stood outside of their mansion, seriousness plastered on their face, their eyes calculating my every move.

" Tanya." I greeted the strawberry blonde politely and nodded. She narrowed her golden eyes together like a feline for a second and sighed then. I was fairly sure the story of Lexi had already been told by Eleazar.

" Come on in, Jasper. I'm sure you have a lot of explanation to do."

I sure had.

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><p>The sun started to rise again, changing the darkness of the night slowly in a spectacle of orange and yellow and later the sun would hide behind clouds, introducing me into another day without Jasper. The eleventh to be exact. But who was counting?<p>

I was.

The Cullens were.

Damn it! I definitely was!

I grabbed something - the first thing my hand could find - and clenched my fist together, vaguely realizing it was my hair comb, the hard plastic of the comb's handle breaking into what I was sure a thousand pieces.

It felt good to crush a ridiculously small object that couldn't protest or fight back. To use my strength to help cool down some of the anger I had for myself.

Yes, I was angry at myself. So much I wanted to pull out strands of my own hair like a mental patient!

The absence of Jasper continued on and I was slowly starting to realize how terrible the mistake of forcing him to leave was. Jasper had silently - without words - promised me that I would feel better when he left and at first I thought that he was right. It was after all my idea that he would leave and I thought all the sorrows and pain I carried on my shoulders would magically vanish. I was so wrong!

When Jasper was gone, he had left me with a constant uncomfortable and unsafe feeling in my chest, although I knew I had my own ways to fight back if I got attacked. But still, I didn't like those feelings. The first days it was possible for me to ignore it. However it changed. It became stronger and a need was added in my feelings, more like a need to have him around. And that I couldn't ignore.

It felt as if someone had my heart in a tight clenched fist and it made me incredibly angered that I couldn't have things my way.

I never, ever thought I would think such a thought but I wanted Jasper back! I wanted to see his honey blond hair, to see his scars that made him like a real man, to smell his scent that fascinated me and more than anything I wanted to feel his fingers gliding across my arm like a feather.

It wouldn't happen. He was so determinate to fix me and stay away from the Cullens that he surly wouldn't come back soon. The Cullens had tried to call him but always met his voicemail.

Maybe the right person needed to ask him that one important question : " Jasper, please come back to where you belong."

Maybe it was me who needed to find all of her courage, open up her mouth and speak, maybe beg for him to come back.

Maybe I will, if I keep feeling guilty like I had killed him with my bare hands. I couldn't help feeling what I felt. It was killing me. Not only me, the Cullens too. I could see how much they suffered, almost as if someone had died even though Jasper was alive, somewhere hunting a deer and surprisingly seeing them suffer went straight through my heart. Except maybe Rosalie's. She could handle a little pain.

Yes, maybe I would track him down.

" Lexi!" I heard my name being snapped and looked at the source. Edward. I had been so busy thinking about Jasper that my impossibly sharp senses hadn't picked up the sound.

" What?" I asked almost automatically. It has become a standard word for me, something I could reply on every sentence spoken to me. Mostly snarled or hissed.

" Would you like to go hunting with me and Emmett?" He asked again, annoyance slipping into his voice because he had to repeat his question.

_Sorry, not everyone is blessed with mind reading, Edward!_

The right corner of his mouth twitched, like he wanted to smirk, but no smirk crossed his freakishly handsome face.

_Hunting_. The word made me itching for some deer.

Ofcourse I would. I always like to go hunting even when I was not thirsty.

" Come on then." He said and sped off down the stairs, through the door and I saw that Emmett was already standing outside, excessively tapping with his foot, waiting impatiently for us.

So I followed Edward and ran after them, briefly catching my own appearance in the full length mirror, my black eyes setting off against my pale skin, nearly consuming my whole irises.

It took me a second or two to catch up with them and when I was running next to Edward - who was considered the fastest of the Cullen family - I decided to run a little faster. Trees flashed passed me, but it wasn't a problem for my eyes. An ant crawled on the trunk of a tree, and a little squirrel dropped his nut of shock because the speed I used caused a wave of air, nearly blowing him from the branch he sat on.

Cute.

I stopped abruptly, suddenly realizing that I had forgotten about Edward and Emmett. They weren't as fast as newborn -me, so I waited calmly - unlike Emmett - until they would meet up with me. It took them five seconds. Long enough.

" There are no humans around. You can go." Edward said after he had scanned the area for any humanly forbidden food. Food I couldn't have. I thanked Edward silently in my mind and took off in the opposite direction as him and Emmett and had excited thoughts about what blood I would have today.

The dead hiker still made me feel guilty and I had silently prayed that wherever he was, he would forgive me. I would always carry that victim with me.

A deer came into my view and I decided not to waste any time by being picky. It was sipping from a small brook, obviously relaxed with its surroundings. If only it knew it was barely 3 meters away from its death. I took one big leap, jumping over the brook with my arms outstretched to grab the deer as soon as I would land on my knees, exactly next to the animal.

I snapped its neck when it was in my tight embrace. Even though it was my food, my mother had given me a whole lecture about not playing with it. So I didn't.

My teeth pierced its neck, although I enjoyed its blood, I would switch without hesitating if human blood was offered to me. It was my instinct and very hard to fight.

When it was empty I moved on to my next pray. A mountain lion who had become curious about the scene that played here and growled loud and fierce at me, thinking I was a nice, little piece of meat.

I gave him a roaring sound as response. The mountain lion crouched slightly, pulling up his furred lip and showing me his teeth as if it could feel pride. I smirked, and took slowly an eager step closer, showing my own teeth. At least mountain lions didn't run shaking like a leaf when they heard a sound.

A growl sounded through the forest, but it didn't came from the animal crouching before me. It slowly backed away and then it turned and ran away into the direction it came from. It was afraid of the animal that had produced that growl, meaning there was an even more dangerous animal living in this forest.

I smiled and ran after it, mountain lion were just too good and I wasn't letting my prey escaping me, my body wasn't just filled with enough blood for that.

Suddenly a strong, nauseating smell filled my nostrils and I stopped because it stunk so much. I had never smelled anything that repulsive. It smelled like wet dog, but much, much more worse. I scrunched my nose in disgust and turned around, searching my way back where I had come from, North.

I could feel vibrations in the earth coming from the paws of that animal as they clawed into the ground. Whatever it was, it was big and heavy and it stunk more than any other animal or human or thing known to my mind.

Heavy paws came to an abrupt end, - like this animal stopped right behind me - and I curiously turned around. My breath stocked into my throat and my body stiffened at what I saw.

Not one but three giant, wild looking wolves stood in front of me. They were wolf but had the size of a horse. I had never seen such thing. This was unbelievable. No wolf in the whole wide world that could be possibly that big. It took my mind a couple of seconds before it realized that they were like me. Supernatural. Not human. Enemy of my race. Werewolves!

They growled dangerously at me, showing me their teeth, which I had to admit looked pretty damn sharp!

I smirked despite the situation : " Sorry, I don't speak stinking mutt!"

Suddenly one of them pounced, leaping at me with more speed than I had expected it would.

A growl ripped through my chest and I concentrated on all three of them. I reached for the darkest part inside my head, searching for my gift. It was pitch-black and ice-cold, it seemed. But that made it easier for me to grasp it. I imagined it would wrench itself a way inside their heads, giving them the most powerful illusions of death.

Nothing happened!

Did this creatures had some sort of heightened immunity against gifts?

Not possible!

I stared harder, painfully aware that in a few nano seconds that one wolf would crash against me!

Again nothing happened!

Beside the murderous feelings I had for them, I felt fear rise in me. They were three of them and only one Lexi whose deadly gift momentarily didn't work against them!

So I sped off, zipping through the forest, desperately trying to get away from them. One of them was really fast and managed to snap at my heels. I gave an angered scream and pushed myself faster. This was surviving at its thoughest and hardest meaning!

The biggest mistake I could make, was glancing at them over my shoulder. I should've known it. Never, ever turn your back at, or in my case your head to, your enemy. I had to do a sharp manoeuvre to the right to avoid tackling a tree and that's when the fastest wolf - whose fur reminded me of a rusty nail - managed to catch up with me.

His front paws pushed against my back and I fell, face towards the ground. I managed to roll over before falling, looking at its face.

They were strong! But newborns were stronger. I grabbed a fistful of skin and fur not caring it was on the wolf its head and that I also had his right ear in my clenched fist - and threw him off me. He whimpered slightly and out of the corner of my eye I could see his one ear wasn't standing straight anymore but was bowed lightly.

I had barely time to stand back up when a second wolf with fur black as coal jumped and bit down hard into the flesh of my hip, shaking me like a tiny ragdoll. From left to right. Like a dog with a new chew toy!

I screeched in pain, my arms locking around his neck and I pulled him off me. Big mistake. I was in even more pain than before! That fucking, damned wolf locked his jaws together and the only thing my ears heard were the sound of my own tearing flesh. The black wolf flew in the air, landing a few feet away with a big piece of my midsection into his mouth. He let it drop, like it tasted disgusting and came towards me again this time his burning eyes aimed at my throat.

I started screaming at the top of my lungs : " Edward! Emmett! Help me!"

I waited a few seconds before screaming again, hoping they would've traveled the distance in less than half a second : " Edward fucking Cullen! Where the fuck are you!"

That's when they appeared crouched, standing before me, growling and hissing, arms outstretched to shield me. They protected me! They actually protected me!

" This is one big misunderstanding, Sam! -" Edward spoke urgently and his eyes were fixed on the black wolf, while Emmett kept a sharp eye on the other two. " - Lexi, didn't know about the Treaty. We are deeply sorry she has come onto your land."

Their land? Had I crossed some invisible line?

Edward's expression darkened a second and his voice had dangerously lowered : " No, Sam! We didn't change her. She was newly created by an unknown vampire and we couldn't kill her, so we took her in, making her one of us!"

Edward's grove lie was incredibly convincing but I had no idea why he lied about my creator. But this whole situation was serious. A matter of life and death, it seemed.

That's when I stepped in, biting my tongue to stop a scream from pain. Because speaking hurt! : " It's true. The Cullens didn't change me. They're good. The only thing I want is to hunt animals too!"

Was my lie as convincible as Edward's? I hoped it was. So many words in a few sentences that were wrong.

The three wolves started to back down, slowly step by step moving away from us. They were leaving! Thank god. Relieve washed over me for a spilt second before disappearing completely.

Edward's face was filled with sorrow for an unknown problem and I wanted to ask what was wrong, only to be stopped by the piercing pain of my midsection.

I looked at the damage that damned wolf had caused and wished I hadn't. I was utterly shocked by what I saw.

There was a hole in my body! A big, gaping hole that hurt like hell! The sight made me sick. I could see two of my ribs, they were white as snow and they shone a little bit. Like a pearl in the moonlight. Fascinating, if not it was my body being torn open.

O god, I didn't feel well. I've never felt more sick or weak in my entire life.

Emmett grabbed the piece that was torn out of my body. It looked like broken marble and I had the childish desire to whine until I got it back.

Edward carefully lifted me in his arms to not hurt me, one arm supporting my back, the other in the back of my knees and I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his chest and closed my eyes while he ran back home, doing my very best to ignore the pain.

Occasionally a soft whimper would escape me and he always whispered 'sorry'. Emmett worriedly glanced a few times at me.

I was more than relieved to see the Cullen house. Safety was in sight and I let out a relieved, ragged breath. A soon as Edward stepped a foot through the door, Carlisle was at my side, scooping me out of his sons arms and rushing upstairs.

" Lexi!" Esme said shocked and her mouth was slightly agape when she saw the damage the wolves had caused " Is everything alright?!"

I knew she meant it to help me, she cared for me I think, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes and snarl: " Ofcourse not! Three giant wolves almost bit a piece out of my ass! No actually, they did bit a piece out of me!"

I regretted it the moment the words flew out and I stammered a ' I'm so sorry, Esme' and I looked her in the eye and saw she had forgiven me.

I was set on a metal table, similar to the one I destroyed when I had just woken up as a newborn. Emmett had followed, with the piece of my body still in his hands and I was a bit grossed out because he was holding it! So casually nevertheless, as if this was daily routine. But I knew that bacteria didn't have a chance on my wound.

Carlisle's fingers brushed over the open wound so slightly, but it still was unpleasant. No, actually it hurt and I would rather not have his fingers touching the hole but I knew it had to be done.

" Lexi." Carlisle asked and I stared out of the large open window wondering how Jasper would handle me being attacked and not attacking myself. When I didn't respond he grasped my face in his hands, gaining my attention.

" Yes." I whispered and I was vaguely aware that downstairs Edward was telling the whole story to his family. From hunting to the wolf part.

The wolves. Surely I should've known that we weren't the only ones wandering around the earth. They were our supernatural enemy and from what I've seen and felt they could kill us. I seemed to have a powerful, natural hate for them. I despised them, loathed them. I wanted nothing more than to rip them apart. It came so natural and the feeling was mutual, I guessed.

" Everything is going to be okay. This is going to sting a bit." I nodded absently, not really caring that Carlisle had spread his venom on my ripped out piece of skin. It was after all to heal me.

I held back my hiss when the stung came. It was not really that bad, but I wouldn't undergo it every day. I could feel the venom clinging to my skin and re-attaching the piece. It fit perfectly like a piece of a puzzle. Soon the hole was closed and I had a complete midsection again. There were very thin lines visible, a little paler than my skin, and they were the only prove that I got attacked.

Battle scars. Cool, but not really!

I jumped of the table and thanked Carlisle and this time I meant it completely. I had had absolutely no idea that our venom could be used to re-attach ripped of body parts. Good to know. Carlisle was a wonderful doctor.

_A wonderful person_ my mind corrected me.

Now that I was fully healed I was going to have a serious talk with my future seeing coven mate, determined to drag whatever she and Edward had been hiding, out of her.


	9. Chapter 9

**YAY new chapter! Hope you all like it. Let me know your thoughts in a nice, little review!**

**- You think Lexi is going to make it to the Denali's?**

**- You think Jasper would want her after her being a huge b*tch?**

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><p>The next day brought me new, fresh determination to figure out what I wasn't supposed to know. As soon as Alice and Edward would be back of school, I would confront them. Maybe Alice first, since I didn't like Edward's ability to snoop around in my mind. And if she wasn't going to tell me what I wanted to know than I saw myself forced to grab Edward by the collar and shake information out of him, quite literally. I vaguely realized I had become aggressive and I didn't care.<p>

After Carlisle had healed me, I had the entire night to think about what had happened. Or rather what didn't happen. I didn't die which I was insanely grateful for and my gift didn't work, not so grateful for.

The night was long and I was absolutely bored out of my mind, so I came up with a few theories. 1) I lost my gift. 2) This was all a dream. I was lying in bed, refusing to get out of it and make myself ready for school. This was the most stupid theory of them all. Everything was as real as it could be. My life as a vampire, my gift, my ache for Jasper… I'm trailing off.

My third and last theory made sense the most. There were limitations I didn't know off yet. My ability to kill someone in his mind didn't work on the werewolves. The more I thought about it, the more I started to believe it.

I went to Carlisle and told him all of my theories. He laughed the first one off, showed pity with the second and became very interested in the third. He told me that it wasn't possible to lose gifts. They were rare and when a vampire had one, he carried it with him forever. It was like losing talents. Not possible.

When Carlisle told me about certain talents turning into abilities once humans were changed , I started thinking. My gift was to kill someone in his mind. What talent did I had as a human? Carlisle mused with me.

I tried to think back several years in my human life. It wasn't easy and it had given me a slight throbbing around my temples but it had helped. As a human, ever since I was little things seemed to always go another way. It was small and subtle but now I noticed it. Everybody who was nice to me got luck on his side such as finding a coin or even a dollar bill. Everybody who was mean to me or treated me in a way I didn't want to be treated became a victim of bad luck, like tripping over things or even falling down a stairs. That happened in first year of high school. And I swear I didn't push that boy!

At the age of seven I started to think about death for the first time ever in life. It confronted me. A lot of the Brown's died around that time. Grandma, grandpa, an aunt of my father's side, an unborn niece of my mother's side, my dog Buddy... And I was so angry that they were gone to ' a better place' as my mom described it. It was so unfair in my children eyes.

So many people who - harshly said - deserved to die, got a chance to live and the innocent ones got their life taken. Sometimes I wished the dead of those bad people.

When I was nine, I got so close to death I could feel it breathing down my neck. I had looked it in the eye and was not afraid anymore.

Everything in my life seemed to be connected to death. It was my explanation for my gift. Carlisle deemed it possible.

But what really piqued my interest to a higher level was the fact that Alice suffered the same limitations.

Her gift to see one's future worked best on vampires, because she was one herself. It also worked on humans because she had been one. Anything in between was just a blur in her eyes she couldn't decipher.

It would be 100 % logical that it didn't work on the mutts because I - thank god - wasn't one. It was kind of bad news. The only other creatures - besides vampires - on this planet that could kills us, were safe from the harm of my gift.

After that part, my sorrow went on. The Treaty we had with the wolves had been officially broken as soon as my foot crossed that stupid invisible line. For all we knew we could be on the blink of war. They had a reason, their hatred for us only fueled it and that was more than reason enough to worry.

That's how my night ended and my day started.

Momentarily I was waiting eagerly until Alice would be home. It shouldn't be long anymore. School was done a half hour ago. I heard Edward's Volvo pulling up in the garage. Emmett proudly telling how he gave an answer in his math class that nobody was supposed to know. I grinned, smart boy.

Moments later Rosalie strode past me - her beauty blinding like always - head held up high while Emmett followed her. He gave me a small smile, just to be polite. Rosalie gave me of course nothing beside the hateful vibe around her. Ignoring Rosalie came easy these day, which I was happy about. It kept the peace in this house.

Alice came in like she was dancing, Edward followed her with a little smile playing on his lips. Love for her evidently shining in his eyes. It was so clear and obvious that mates adored her.

Longing welled up inside me. I wished I had someone. I kicked that idea away.

" Alice I need to talk to you." I said, voice determined. I got the feeling she already knew I was going to ask her. She came up with a smooth excuse, too fast.

" I need to finish a science project. Actually, I still need to start. I'm sorry."

That lame ass excuse could've worked if she hadn't had a vampire memory. Alice could finish that project in less time than it took for her to talk to me.

Was she trying to get around my questions? O hell no, that won't happen.

I smiled at her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, towering a couple of inches above her. Edward tensed and I saw him bending his knees a little, ready to pounce. '_Chill Edward, I'm not gonna hurt her!'_

" Dear pixie, you have all night to do science. I will personally help you but I need to talk to you!"

I emphasized the 'I need to talk to you', just to make clear that I wasn't going to let it drop. Hell no, I wasn't dropping anything!

" But - " I cut her off quickly, tugging her along up to my room. I practically threw her on my attic and closed the door, standing protectively in front of it.

" Sit." I said politely like I had guest visiting and gestured to my unused bed. She eyed me carefully and sat down onto it. I had her where I wanted her to be. I mentally danced.

" So Alice - " I began casually peeking at my nails " You have already had a vision about this, haven't you?" And I looked at her, straight in the eye.

She nodded softly. I pursed my lips. How was I going to ask this nicely?

I sighed and joined her on the bed: " Look Alice, I know you and Edward are hiding something nobody knows. And I vaguely suspect that it's about Jasper and me. Am I correct?"

She nodded again, keeping her eyes trained on my face. I could hear Edward pacing downstairs in worry for his mate. I told him to chill, hadn't I?

' _Edward you're going to pace a hole in the ground! Just fucking chill!' _I mentally screamed at him. But I could understand him. A mate's pull was strong Carlisle had told me. Like he had told me about every other thing of the vampire world last night. From gifts to the Volturi. I already disliked them. My dislike came even close to hate. They sounded murderous and without respect for human life, although Carlisle had describe the as ' the rulers of our world who took care of the law breakers'.

I had huffed. Who had given them the power to rule over our world? Just because they were the first ones they claimed power. I thought it was ridiculous, though I had to admit that I found it good that they took care of law breakers. We should stay hidden amongst the humans and should avoid chaos.

Also I had sworn to Carlisle and to myself that I would stay away from them. They craved power - power I had - and would do everything to have that one particular power they wanted. Covens being torn apart was no exception Carlisle told me.

Like I said it had been a long night and my head had been filled with extra information.

" It keeps me busy, Alice! I need to know what you've been hiding!" unconsciously I gripped Alice's shoulders forgetting to hold my newborn strength back. She winced and I could feel her collar bone move under the tight pressure of my fingers.

Downstairs I heard Edward leap onto the first step of the stairs, almost breaking the wood - it protested with a loud crack - of the force in combination with the speed he used.

He stopped. I guess Alice was thinking to him not to come because his feet disappeared of the stairs and I heard him grumbling about how stubborn she could be.

" Please Alice. I don't like secrets being kept from me!" I gripped tighter, again totally unconsciously. Unaware that I was hurting her.

" Okay, Okay! Only if you promise not to break my collar bone!" I let go as if I had touched fire and muttered a true sheepishly sorry. Edward downstairs was restraining himself to not come barging in here, I could tell.

Her face became suddenly serious and I was somewhat scared of what she was going to say.

" Do you remember the first day of school?" she started. With a frown I nodded. Of course I remember. How could I forgot. It felt like an important date, almost like a birthday or something.

" The first day of school, during lunch break just when you left the cafeteria, I had a vision of you. Right before Jasper got mesmerized by your scent and bit you. He thinks it was about him slaughtering you - " I suppressed the lonely chill that ran down my spine " - but that's not true."

By the way she paused a second and her eyes scanned my face I could tell the most important part was about to come. I gripped the sheets of my bed, just to hold something.

" I had a vision of you as a vampire, kissing Jasper. You were in love with him, Lexi. You are his mate. You were destined to live forever next to Jasper, to be a vampire. Even when Jasper had managed to stay in control you would've become one. You would've fallen in love with him as a human, have an epic love but in the end he would've turned you."

I possibly got even paler and my whole body froze. My ears buzzed from the revelation. Or was I imagining that? What Alice was saying was that I was always meant to be a vampire, that it was written in the stars? Inevitable? This was truly not what I expected. I think I was in shock for a couple of seconds.

Suddenly cold remorse hit me mercilessly full force, like a thousand boulders crashing down upon me and I gasped. I could've been happy, complete, filled. I could've had Jasper. I could've had happiness I didn't deserve.

How stupid could I be?

I wanted to cry. Everything fell into place. Why I hadn't been able to kill him, as if a higher force knew that I would need and want him someday. Why every time Jasper touched me I felt good, the fuzzy feeling and the tingling combined was addictive. Why I felt guilt about pushing him away - because I was sure I would have absolutely no sympathy for any other vampire, minus Cullens -. Why he was a constant and prominent part of my mind.

I had been so easy. We were mates. The voice in my head yelled DUH just to hurt me more.

I was an awful girl. When I was at my worst Jasper was there for me, the Cullens - minus Rosalie - were there for me.

I knew what I had to do. What I needed to do. I needed to get Jasper back. I wanted him by my side. I longed for him like I longed for blood, maybe more so.

This was the best, classical example of hatred blossoming into love. And boy, did I hated him, for taking my life away. Now realization struck me. I loved him.

I looked at Alice and saw she was hiding more. I stared into her golden eyes long, unblinking. There was more.

" Tell me!" I demanded, my tone a little harsher than I meant to be but I had no whatever control I ever had over my emotions.

She squeezed her eyes shut and blurted the words out: " I know where Jasper is!"

The loss of Jasper settled on my shoulder and pushed me down. There was numbness and self-hatred in my chest, punishing me for the words I had said and de decisions I had made. However hope welled in me.

My words were slowly spoken, my teeth clenched and I was sure my body had become as hard and stiff as a rock: " Where. Is. He?"

Yes, I was angry at Alice but I was furious at myself.

" Denali." She answered quickly " Nobody knew, not even Edward. It would only hurt them."

I understood why she did it and I realized I had no valid reason to be mad at Alice.

I breathed in and out, imagining Jasper's gift doing its magic on me before I spoke: " Denali, as in Eleazar Denali?"

She nodded and that was all I saw. Her mouth opened to speak but I was already gone. Zipping down the stairs and connecting with Edward, knocking him down hard with a loud THUMP because he didn't move fast enough out of my way.

I think I whispered a sorry, I don't know. My mind was so full and clouded of Jasper it was hard, nearly impossible to think of something else.

He murmured something about 'rudeness' before he saw the determination that surrounded my complete presence and read the idea that wandered around in my mind.

He got up and screamed for me to stop, but I was already in the garage, eyes quickly scanning all of the keys that hung neatly on a hook, - Rosalie's BMW Convertible, Edward's Volvo, Carlisle's Mercedes, Jasper's motorcycle -, and fingers snatching the keys of Jasper's motorcycle, a blue Ducati. The beast of a machine stood proudly in the back of the garage, its dark blue colour shiny and contrasting against the grey of Edward's Volvo and the red of Rosalie's Convertible. I didn't even want to know how much this motorcycle and these cars had cost, let alone the sum of all this vehicles together.

In one fast and smooth movement I was on the motorcycle, keys in the contact. I turned, the beast roaring to life. I could feel its horse power and strength under my body and became a little nervous.

I had never rode something – beside my bicycle ofcourse – that had an engine. I would turn seventeen in less than one year I would be allowed to drive a car but now…

I also had no idea how to ride a motorcycle, but I felt comfortable. I could handle werewolves - technically - so if I would fall or crash, it would be no big deal. I was indestructible.

I got a quick overview and thankfully recognized everything, the clutch, throttle... I think this motor was an electric start, because it started way to easy and I had to do nothing with my feet.

Everybody who had ever drove a vehicle, told me it was all about sensing, beside the actual technique you had to have. How much throttle to give and how fast to let go off the clutch.

I took one more breath, opened the throttle and took - not carefully at all - off. I was actually blown away by the speed but this was cool. A sixteen year old riding on a death machine. I didn't know how to drive and I was driving illegally. I was a total badass!

I glanced over my shoulder for a spilt second and I saw Edward storming outside, throwing me an angry, dark look. I glued my eyes back to the road. _Safety first._

I soft sigh escaped my mouth and my mind drifted off.

I was going to get Jasper back.

The one who was destined to stand by my side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone I know it's been a while since I've updated but college is a b*tch haha! Also I had a bit of trouble writing this.**

**I hope you like chapter 10. Also I would like to say something. I have 53 followers and 38 people who favorited the story. It would be nice if all those people leave a review, as a way of appreciation. It motivates me so much if I read other people like it. Also please check out my other story: Felix and Feliciana. Thanks and enjoy!**

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><p>How could I be so stupid? In history of most stupid ideas, mine had to make it to the top three. I damned myself for being so reckless and stupid. I shouldn't have stolen a vehicle that I don't know how to drive.<p>

It didn't take long before a big 'welcome to Alaska' sign was greeting me with big bold letters. I stepped from one wet, murky place into another. Yet the temperature felt good against my skin. The perks of being a vampire… wonderful.

Somewhere halfway between Forks and Alaska I had dumped Jasper's Ducati and used my good old legs to continue my journey. The vegetation became closer and no one would see me. I wasn't such a good driver after all. Yeah, I kind of crashed. It didn't hurt. Beside the big dent in the road there was no proof of a crash. Note to myself: apologize for dumping Jasper's expensive Ducati.

The aching in my chest became more prominent with every inch I came closer to him. It was wonderful yet scary at the same time. As if my heart felt that the journey would be over soon and I would see him again. It made small jumps as it hoped we would fall in each other's arms and lay down in the snow. I was being melodramatic.

A million thoughts pounded against my skull. I didn't realized it quite yet. I was confused. How could hate turn so quickly into wanting, even if we were meant to be together?

_What if Jasper hated me with the same passion I used to hate him?_

_What if he didn't want me? I had been such a cold-hearted bitch. A horrible person. If somebody had treated me like I had treated Jasper I would never look that person in the eyes again. _

_What if he didn't want to go back to the Cullens?_

My head throbbed, which was really weird because I'm an immortal. How can my head throb? I wanted the thoughts to stop. I wanted to stop thinking but I couldn't.

What would I say to him when I saw him? Blond curls shining in the daylight, golden eyes gleaming at me, pale skin so smooth to touch…? I practiced the lines I would say, but in the end decided it would be better to follow the moment. To say what popped up in my head. But I would tell him about Alice's vision. He had the right to know. It had been kept away from us while it was about us. About us being together, as mates.

Suddenly I stopped. I had absolutely no idea where the Denali clan lived. Surely it would be somewhere far away from human society, somewhere near the woods where they could hunt and be themselves. Like we lived. But nearly all Alaska was made out of forest. Where the hell should I start?

When in doubt, call Alice. Just as I was about to reach for my phone the thing went off. I had a text. It was actually my third phone. I broke the screen of the first two. Newborn strength and touch screen aren't such a great combination.

It was from Alice. She texted me the address. Ofcourse she knew I needed the address before I knew it myself. Clever girl.

I texted her back : T_hanks!_

A second after I texted her I send her another text: _Wish me luck!_

She responded before I could put my phone into the pocket of my jeans: _Good luck! From all of us!_

The text made me smile. _From all of us. _I knew it meant minus Rosalie but still.

According to the GPS on my stupid touch screen phone the Denali's place wasn't very far away. About a half hour of running and I would see Jasper again.

Almost without realizing it I started moving. Jumping over fallen trees and searching my way through the woods.

It shouldn't be long anymore. I stopped running and switched to walking when I could see an open place and no more trees. I walked a little closer and saw a house. More like a villa. Very Cullen-like. Typical that also this family was filthy rich.

I felt like such a stalker. Spying on people. People with superhuman senses who would know I was here if I walked a few 100 meters closer. But nevertheless people. If I had been human my heart would've been pounding in my chest like crazy.

_Take the plunge and walk closer!_

I don't know why I still take deep breath but I do. So here we go. With my shoulders straight, head up and eyes glued on that house I walked further.

Almost there. Almost there. Almost…

The door went open and 5 gorgeous people stepped out. And by the look on their faces I wasn't very welcome. Not that I expected open arms and welcome presents but still a little hello has never killed anyone.

" That's her." Carmen whispered. The look of fear said enough. They were scared of me. And I couldn't blame them. My gift was a curse. Not a blessing.

The already bad vibe changed into something completely different. One minute we were staring at each other, the other I was being attacked for no apparent reason.

A tall stunning women with long, pale hair straight as corn silk and the same golden eyes as they all shared, charged at me.

Somehow I was distracted. Somehow I missed her first move. I wasn't focused. I guess I was distracted because Jasper was so close. The only thing that was blocking me was a door and 5 vampires.

Miss corn hair had her hand clamped around my neck. Suddenly I was on my knees, a thousand lightning bolts seemed to go through my body, starting in my throat going all the way to my toes.

I screamed, high pitched notes of utter pain. I couldn't help it. It wasn't as painful as my change but hell what was this? My logic told me that this was her special ability, just like I had mine. It was awful. It was awfully painful and I wished it would stop.

I immediately thirsted for payback. The kind of payback were I would give her a little taste of her own medicine. It grew like flames sucking up air, growing bigger and bigger. How dare she hurt me?! I had done nothing wrong! This time. Stupid bitch!

The pain was suddenly gone and I was able to wrench my eyes open. Before me stood Jasper in all his glory, who had pushed the blonde one so hard she smacked against a tree who spilt in half. He looked like a god. More beautiful than I seemed to remember. I had to swallow at the sight of this man. Wanting swelled up inside me. He would feel it without a doubt.

He reached out his hand, a strong muscular hand. I grabbed it. The feeling that I loved when he touched me surged through me like electricity. He easily lifted me up, back on my feet. The pain had ebbed away just like my thirst for payback. Disappeared like snow in the sun when I saw him. I gazed into his topaz eyes, the same topaz as when he left and my wanting for him increased. I suppressed the memory of that moment.

My hand was still in his and I didn't want to let go. I wasn't planning on it. He broke the contact first. His hand not touching mine felt odd. Empty. Hollow.

" Jasper." My voice sounded oddly harsh of the emotions I was so hard trying to suppress, yet still beautiful.

" Lexi." He responded and I detected a faint hint of longing in his voice. It gave me hope. I was aware of the eyes and ears following our every move and I didn't like it. I wanted him for my own.

" Jasper we need to talk." My voice sounded pleading. " There is something I need to tell you. It's important!"

" What's wrong?"

I couldn't tell. Not here. Not with _them_ looking. I grabbed his hand - which he clearly not expected - and started to thug him along.

" I can't tell. Not here!" and I eyed the Denali's.

" Jasper, don't trust her!" someone's voice sounded from not that far behind me. I turned around faster than Jasper and bitchslapped a strawberry blonde women to the ground. I smirked. Bitchslapping was my specialty. I was holding my anger back. Trying to attack me in the back, huh! But you know what they say right? Don't expect too much from a newborn. Jasper jerked my arm.

I sheepishly raised my shoulders: " What can I say I'm such a badass."

Before we took off I turned my attention to the one who electrocuted the shit out of me: " By the way you're a bitch!"

We ran Jasper and I, until we were at least 20 miles away from eyes and ears. We came to a halt and I was suddenly pulled down with nervousness. The kind of nervousness when you failed a very important test that is made up from 70 % of your grade miserably and you have to explain it to your brother.

How I was going to tell this?

" Maybe you should sit down." I sounded unsure. What was I expecting? That he was going to drop down from shock? " Never mind."

I opened my mouth, ready to blur everything out but he interrupted me.

" Lexi. What are you doing here?"

Yeah, what was I doing here? I was trying to explain to my mate that we were mates.

" I came here for you."

" Why?" he sounded surprised. Maybe even a little shocked.

Now was the hardest part coming. Explaining why.

His face changed. He looked so serious right now as if he realized something. No surprise anymore at all.

" Lexi." He said slowly. " Did you kill someone on your way to here?!"

I responded immediately. I was a little hurt, if I must admit. I ran all the way to here to see him, holding my breath, being very scared and careful to not come in contact with humans and all I get was the question if I killed someone.

" No!"

Relief washed over him. Lightning the mood a bit. I was disappointed that was all he seemed to care for.

" Listen Jasper!" I was sick of fooling around. " I came here because I feel horrible. The guilt is eating me alive! Even more now I know why!"

He was taken back I could tell. I continued talking. No more being subtle at all, no more being careful at all, no more bullshit!

" Alice had a vision the first day of school. The day you bit me! You know that right?" I didn't wait for any response. " You think it was about you killing me but it wasn't!"

I stopped and grabbed his hand before I continued: " It's about us being together. We are mates! Even if you managed to ignore my blood and not change me we would've met. We would've fallen in love! We are meant to be! My blood sang to you. How ironic it is I was born to be with you!"

I locked my eyes with him and refused to look away. I could tell he didn't know how to respond. He was speechless. I knew how crazy this sounded for him.

He didn't say anything. Seconds became minutes and fear was starting to creep up on me. I had this ice cold feeling in my gut. Had I hurt him irreversibly? My eyes stung but no tears came. There was only one thing left I could do. To show him I was telling the truth. To show him I…loved him.

I felt the adrenaline rush. _Do this! Do this! Don't be a chicken! _

It might've not been so romantic and it certainly wasn't like in the movies but I grabbed his face and kissed him. My first kiss.

I shuddered. A pleasant shiver ran down my spine. His lips were so soft. He tasted like honey. _No, honey wasn't sweet enough._

Despite his superior intelligence it took him a while to comprehend what was happening. I felt muscular arms locking around my waist tightly and lips moving in rhythm against my own. I felt like my legs were going numb. I was a weak immortal. My body pressed into his, molding to fit his form.

I was left wanting more. Way more. I might've been a little too enthusiastic because my strength caused us to fall in the snow. Me on top of him. We didn't care. I curled my fingers into his hair pulling his face closer to mine. Our lips met again. His tongue brushed over my lip, almost begging me for entrance. I allowed him. It sparked my feelings and it felt like my face was becoming red with heat even though I knew better. Our tongues danced together. This kiss was… I couldn't describe it.

I felt lust! I felt euphoric!

My first French kiss. My first feelings of lust. My first love and he would be my last.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi guys! Here is an - I admit - quite boring and short chapter. Bring on the reviews ... * Sad face because someone doesn't get many reviews***

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><p>Walking back to the Denali's little mansion was a blessing and a curse. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to smell them. Hell, I didn't even want to be in the same room as them. To feel their hatred fueled stares on me. It just made me irritated and full of the urge to strangle them one by one. I guess in less than a year most of my bad moods and anger would disappear. I was still a newborn.<p>

I felt utterly relaxed at the moment, holding Jasper's hand as we walked back to the house on a human pace. His skin on mine was the best feeling ever. He felt soft and warm, not like we would feel to humans at all. The tranquility around us was so peaceful and it would all disappear as we were closer to the house with every passing minute.

Neither of us said something, but it wasn't needed. We were enjoying the silence, each of us occupied with our own thoughts. For the first time I felt happiness again. After my parent's death I died a little too. A piece of my was gone and it was hard to accept that at first. But I had no other choice than to accept. Life was dying and dying was life.

Sure I praised myself lucky I still had Terry. Every day. Over and over. But it was a hard time growing up. For both Terry and me. Terry went to community college. It wasn't his dream, but he had to. For me. Because a shitty degree was better than no degree. Terry was ambitious. Community college was not meant for him. He wanted to go to Washington University and study computer engineering. When he was not in school he worked shifts in a dinner to pay the bills. After 2 years he finished his program and got his associated degree in accounting. Straight from school he got a job in a small company in Portland. It payed the bills and he got a little room to save 50$ each month. But a yearly vacation and the newest clothes and gadgets were not for us anymore.

Me, I had an equally shitty time growing up. No more being picked up from school, but walking all the way home, every day. No matter if it was raining or snowing. No more being lazy. I learned how to mop the floor, how to dust off, how to do the dishes, how to change the sheets of our beds, how to do laundry. I learned all these things because I asked people how to do them, I didn't want help and by the time Terry got home all these things were done and he could go to bed, drained as he was.

We were lucky we got so many help from outsiders. Our aunt in Texas paid for Terry's school and offered to come to her in Houston which Terry politely declined. He could take care of me. He was 18 and he got custody over me. She couldn't come over to Forks because she had to take care of her mentally disabled son - our cousin-, changing environment would not be good for him.

Our neighbours came to visit us every day, sometimes bringing food for me and Terry. They invited us over with Thanksgiving and Christmas. They bought presents when it was my birthday. The local butcher often gave us a couple slices of cheese or ham for free. The local supermarket gave us the nearly expired canned food that was left over so we could cook. These little things people did helped us. Terry shoved his proudness away and accepted this help.

People pitied us. They saw two children without parents. The older one looking after the youngest the best he could. Two children that in their eyes needed help.

All these things stopped by the time I was 13 and Terry had met Valeria, a hairdresser from Portland. Terry lit up, a second salary came in and people saw we coped and would make it. And so life went on.

Terry would be devastated. My disappearance would be another punch to the face and it would slowly tear him apart. First our parents, than me. It wouldn't matter Valeria would be there. She would take care of him and do her best to keep reality from hitting him too much. But she couldn't stop the pain nor take it away.

And that single thought made my heart clench together painfully and a sob escaped my lips.

A wave of calmness crashed over me, pushing away the pain and the heartache. My muscles relaxed and Jasper wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I sniffed deep, his scent having a soothing way on me.

He stroked my hair and I had this feeling he understood what this pain was coming from.

" It will get better. Eventually he will move on." He whispered.

I knew his words were true. Eventually he would. He had no other choice. But he was in pain and he always would be.

I calmed down until I felt completely at ease. This was the reality.

Reality for me was that I was an emotional mess.

Reality for me was that when I would be in control I would check- up on him as long as he lived. Lurking in the shadows, keeping him safe.

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><p>Jasper said goodbye to the Denali's and thanked them for their hospitality while I stayed outside, arms crossed, watching them carefully. I still didn't like them, even though they took Jasper in. They were almost family to the Cullens, so I guess I had to live with them.<p>

I gave the blond one who almost fried me alive and whose name I learned was Kate a dirty look from where I was standing.

We took Emmet's jeep, Jasper behind the wheel, because obviously I was a psychopath when it came to vehicles.

We made small talk while driving, kissing each other occasionally, the car never leaving an inch to the side.. Now that I had tasted his lips I had become addicted to them. The urge to kiss him never leaving me. Is this what mates felt? I was so lucky to have found mine so early in my new life, as some vampires have to wait decades even centuries before they come across their loved one.

I bit my lip and climbed on his lap.

" Babe, I have to tell you something." Fluttering with my eyelashes made me look more innocent as I started the conversation on how I crashed his beloved Ducati.

He smirked at me in response. " Really, babe? Popping the 'B'.

" Yeah, I kind of crashed uhm… your Ducati." I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for his reacting.

He started laughing. A sound I already liked.

I opened my eyes to peek. He didn't look mad at all, a genuine smile turning the corners of his lips upwards.

I frowned: " You're not mad? It's like 20,000 dollar burning on the side of the street."

" Baby…" I love how he called me baby. It made me melt inside. " I just buy another one." He said like it was that simple.

Ofcourse it was. The Cullens had enough money to provide a small country for one year. And that was just in their house alone. I didn't even want to know how many zero's there would be on the numerous bank accounts.

" Ofcourse you will."

His golden eyes sparkled. They were so pretty. I wished I had met the human Jasper. The amazing person who had been in the war, sacrificing his own life for the country…

This certain hunger rose inside me and I attacked his lips. Kissing him passionately.

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><p>" Are you sure, Edward?" Carlisle asked, worry written across his handsome features.<p>

" Yes, I am. She smells like wolf and her thoughts are filled with images of him."

" It is dangerous for her to be near him. He turned not long ago. They are the most on edge then." Carlisle stated.

" Yes. But she is madly in love with him. He is her safe haven. What keeps her sane at this moment. He makes her forget the pain she is feeling."

" Does she know what he is? That she is his imprint?"

" Yes she knows. She often thinks about the moment he showed her what he was."

" Does she know what we are?" Carlisle asked, is voice still calm. Underneath the surface, worry started to rise.

" Not yet. I presume he hasn't told her the legend yet."

" Ok. Than I have one question. How are we going to tell this to Lexi?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Another chapter is up. Leave some comment :)**

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><p>The ride back to Forks took longer than originally planned. My fault. I kissed him too much. Guilty. Not sorry. By the time we got there it was already dark, the Cullen villa bathing in a soft glow of manmade light which contrasted nicely against the dark sky.<p>

Before we got out of the car I grabbed Jaspers hand pulling him back as he made a move to open the door. This sudden rush of fear clouded my mind.

" What are they going to say? I acted in a way that is unforgivable!"

He flashed me one of his gorgeous smiles: " You will be surprised how much my family can forgive. Come on, love."

He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead before getting out of the car. I was not looking forward to this particular moment. He opened the door for me like a gentlemen straight from the movies, the gesture making me smile and I flushed from the inside. Ofcourse I can't literally flush because I'm dead. My immortality was minding me less and less by the second. Sure I had worries like how was Terry going to cope and it killed me to know I couldn't visit him nor speak to him. But I had to make the best of my life. I just had to. Eternity is a long time to hate and self-pity.

I followed him swiftly and equally fast to the door. I really liked that I was faster and stronger than him. For the moment.

I heard movement inside. The door flew open, launching a small black haired girl at my neck. I stiffened for a second. I suppressed my newborn instinct to push her away and severely hurt her. I should shame myself. She was Alice. Sweet, bubbly Alice. She was family now. She was sort of my sister now I guess.

" I'm so proud of you! You made it to Alaska without… you know…accidents!" she chirped. She was almost skipping, her feet leaving the ground every other second. I smiled at her. Probably the first smile she had seen from me and hugged her back. Edward was watching the scene from a distance, scared for his beloved Alice. I understood. She looked so frail, even though I was only taller by a couple inches. I now understood the need to protect. I would go berserk if someone would hurt Jasper.

I smirked: " Relax Edward. I'm completely in control."

I released Alice walking towards him, holding out my hand for him to take it which he did. With newborn strength I pulled him towards me, wrapping my arms around him. I chuckled as he stiffened slightly.

" Listen carefully because this is the only time you are gonna hear me say it but I kind of missed you sticking your big nose into my business. Plus you play the piano pretty nicely."

A musical laugh escaped him and he slowly put his arms around me: " Yeah, nice to see you again you little brat."

I tightened my grip around him. " Ow! Now you're hurting me!"

I shrugged: " I know."

Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist and I was very aware of the warmth spreading through my chest. Esme and Carlisle welcomed us just like Emmett who tested my reflexes by swinging his fist at me. Good thing I have supreme reflexes.

Rosalie didn't spare us a glance, reading her glossy magazine. I didn't expect a warm welcome from her but at least be happy for your brother, bitch.

They were all curious about what happened, especially Alice who was almost bouncing in her seat: " So you two are together now?"

As if she didn't knew already. But were we? I looked at Jasper, uncertain about the answer myself.

" Yes we are." And I just had to smile. The way he said it. So certain that it made my stomach fill with joy. So I was officially his girlfriend now. The word girlfriend didn't seem important enough anymore, mate was a better fitting choice of word.

Rosalie smashed her magazine against the wall and disappeared to her room after giving me the nastiest glare I've ever seen. Honestly, she made me feel bad. For the first time ever she succeeded in making me feel bad. Should I apologize? I had hurt her after all mentally and physically. Later, I decided, after she cooled down. If she didn't piss me off.

" Excuse Rose." And Emmett followed her to their room to cool her off. I tried not to listen to their conversation but it was hard when you have amazing supernatural hearing and when she was screaming.

" She runs over there in all her stupidity, not even caring about the safety of humans, bats her eyelashes and he's all over her. She's forgiven the minute she walks in here and I'm supposed to be okay with that?!"

That's where I turned out. " Just ignore Rosalie." Jasper murmured in my ear. I swallowed the rising insecurity away.

I could do that, had done it so many times but why was this so different? Maybe because somewhere I knew she was right. I told him I loved him and I'm forgiven. I walk in here and I seem to be forgiven like nothing ever happened. Rosalie was right. If somebody had done me terribly wrong I wouldn't forgive them to the minute they walk in here.

Jasper and I didn't get to know each other under normal circumstances like others do. We were not normal. Months didn't pass. We didn't went on a date. And a second and a third and then kissed. Our relationship was brand new and had started way different than most. Did I mind?

I thought about it for a second an came to the conclusion I didn't. Besides, this felt way too good. The way he kissed me made sparks erupt in my veins. He was meant for me so why wait and take things slowly? I had never been one with impeccable patience.

Esme smiled motherly at Jasper and me and in her eyes I could see the intense longing for Jasper. The way a mother looked at her son. This woman's hart was too big and I wondered how many times it had been broken.

From the corner of my eye I could see Edward shaking his head slightly as my thoughts were a subject that not needed discussion at the moment. From what I under stood neither of us all had the best past or introduction to this life. And suddenly I felt shame arising in my chest. I could barely conceal it for the rest. Real shame, a new emotion for me. I was very aware of what I had done and the way I had acted. I was the worst of this family. The wildest. The most out of control.

Jaspers hand rested on my knee and I knew he was silently asking what was going on. I was going to tell him. Later.

" Not now." Edward said whispered barely audible for my ears and he gave Carlisle a warning look. I was lucky I was unconsciously concentrating on Edward's voice because if I didn't I wouldn't have heard it.

" What not now?" I asked curious about what he was referring to because I had a bad feeling.

Edward clearly didn't expected I would hear that as he stared at me unsure about what he was going to say. He exchanged a look with Carlisle. He was asking for confirmation.

" We have some news about your friend Ivy."

And then it hit me. After this certain period of time I had stopped thinking about her. I was too busy hating Jasper and keeping my bloodlust somewhat under control that I had forgotten about her. How could I?!

I automatically assumed she was okay. Happy to be relieved from a parent that was physically abusive towards her. I didn't realize that it could actually hurt her. I knew what it meant to lose a parent. And losing me too…

My hand flew to my mouth and my eyes stung but again no tears would come.

" W-What about her?" my voice sounded raspy. The flood of guilt and pain that took over me was real. Jasper tried to make it better.

I gritted my teeth in annoyance: " Don't!" Couldn't I just feel my emotions for once? Damn it!

" Someone imprinted on Ivy."

I looked at Carlisle like an idiot, gaping like a fish. Was is supposed to know what imprinting was? What did ' Someone imprinted on Ivy' mean?

Carlisle seemed to understand my ignorance about imprinting: " When a shape-shifter imprints on a specific person, he becomes unconditionally bound to her for the rest of his life. Imprintees are to wolves what mates are to us. It's a bond that can't be broken. A member of the Quileute pack has imprinted on your friend."

I was silent for the first couple of seconds as I let this information sink into my brain. Ivy had met somebody that was equally important as Jasper was for me? And he was a wolf! He was one of those disgusting wolves! He was possibly one of the wolves who had participated in a game of ' killing Lexi'!

As the seconds ticked away I slowly started to feel again. First confusion because my supernatural enemy had imprinted on _my_ human friend from a past life. Than shock because my supernatural enemy had imprinted on _my_ human friend from a past life. Than anger because my supernatural enemy… you get it.

To top of my emotions I felt hatred. Hatred that this dirty flea bag had introduced _my_ best friend into the supernatural world.

The supernatural world with my kind. My kind that drank human blood. My kind who was ruled by the Volturi, the self-proclaimed kings of our race. If she knew about us she was in danger, because the first rule of keeping us secret was not telling humans about our true nature.

I had to ask the question.

" Does she know… you know about us?" my voice was shaking.

Carlisle relieved me with the answer: " No, not yet. Her imprint hasn't told her the legend yet. But I presume it won't take long before she knows about us."

" The Volturi!" I said trough gritted teeth. The word itself was enough for Carlisle to understand. The leather of the couch I was sitting on protested, almost on the edge of ripping as I was gripping it too hard. Jasper pried my fingers loose from Esme's 10,000 dollar couch.

" I don't think that will be a problem. Imprintees are forbidden to tell humans about shapeshifting and legends. Ivy would not betray her imprint with the chance of being exposed. As far as I know, the Volturi have no idea these wolves exist. They only know about the Children Of The Moon."

My eyebrows knitted together: " What are Children Of The Moon?"

" Children Of The Moon are the real werewolves. They only turn on full moon and they keep their population in stand by infecting people with a bite. They are a dying species, as the Volturi has whipped them out almost entirely."

I was not in shock this time. It didn't have the same impact as when he told me about the wolves.

I let all this information fall into place. Ivy was irrevocably in love with a wolf, who was designed to kill me and my family. The Volturi were not going to be a problem. So that meant I could… have contact with Ivy?

I didn't foresee a problem as she had - against my will - become a part of the supernatural world.

" I don't think that's a good idea, Lexi." Edward said. I turned to look at him. Sincere sorry was written on his face.

I wanted to get angry. To scream and smash things apart. But I held myself back. There was no point in doing that.

I closed my eyes. Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulders, his lips briefly touching my temple. I savored the moment.

" Can't I just write a note and have Jasper drop it off? Or maybe next year when I'm more in control I can see her? She's part of the supernatural anyway so why lie to her about my disappearing?"

My voice had become a plea and I truly hoped Carlisle could see the desperation in my eyes that clung to every piece of my heart.

" I'm so sorry Lexi. I don't think it would be a good idea to have contact. If the wolves find out one of us bit you, the treaty has been broken and a war will come. Maybe in a few decades you can go check up on her sometime."

He briefly touched my shoulder, his fingers squeezing softly in my skin before he got up and left.

In that moment I did what was necessary.

I swallowed the big lump in my throat away, buried my face in my mate's neck and cried silently as his arms caged me against his chest.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi guys! Here is an update hope you like it. Feel free to comment x**

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><p>For the moment the world was silent and peaceful around us. The sun was shining for once in Forks, a thousand lightning beams radiating from our bodies. Thousands of tiny diamond seemed to be carefully placed on our skin. I had never seen anything like that. Jasper looked like a Greek Adonis and warmth spread itself in my chest as I studied him.<p>

He was with me because of the sun which I was very grateful for. He would go back to school soon and I would see him less. I wasn't particularly looking forward to that moment.

We had found this meadow full of purple flowers we were currently laying in. His thumb running circles over my hand. An ant was crawling on my leg. I could lay here forever.

But there was something I needed to tell him.

" I'm going to change my name." I stated. His thumb stopped running circles. Jasper peeked his head up from his lying position, the grass underneath him groaning under his weight.

The frown on his face matched the question in his eyes. " Why? What's wrong with the one you have now?"

Well, what wasn't wrong with it? It was a hated name. It was a name that caused sadness. It was not me anymore.

" I want another name. Lexi is just too… It's just a reminder of a life I left behind."

He frowned again, the lines on his forehead deeper this time. " I don't understand quite well, darling. Why the sudden change?"

" It's just… my name holds too many memories. Lexi was human. And I'm not her anymore. I'm not Lexi."

A flash of guilt crossed his features. That's not what I wanted. Cupping his face, I pulled him closer to me. " Hey, don't feel guilty! I'm accepting my life now."

His fingers laced in min and I think he understood now. " So how do I have to call you know?"

" I'm gonna go by my second name: Nicole. Nobody ever called me Nicole, so it doesn't remind me of my human life."

" Nicole." " Nicole." " Nicole." He said my name in different tones, each of them rolling beautifully of his tongue. I like how it sounded. Nicole Brown. Nicole Cullen. Doesn't sound that bad.

His lips pressed against mine for a brief moment. I licked my lips to savor that taste.: " I think that's a wonderful choice."

" And my middle names is going to be Claire, after my aunt in Texas, who supported us all te time after the death of my parents."

I could already see the name on my ID: Nicole Claire Cullen. It was the start of something new.

" I shall arrange the necessary papers." His lips trailed my cheekbone sweet and gentle, lower and lower until his lips were pressed against the corner of my mouth.

" Wonderful." I managed to choke out between his kisses. My fingers wrapped in his golden curls, my nails scraping his scalp lightly. He seemed to shudder under my touch. My veins were burning from excitement.

I easily rolled him over without breaking the kiss. His lips pressed harder on mine. Needy. This was the type of kiss that could make a human girl faint.

My hands found the little buttons of his shirt. They were open as one heartbeat passed. My fingers roamed his chest, occasionally feeling a patch of skin that was a little less smooth and a bit thicker than the rest. Most of his scars were on his face, neck and jaw. I didn't knew that also his chest was scarred.

I could feel the muscles underneath my fingertips and I kissed him even harder trying to mask my pity and uprising anger.

How many vampires had tried to kill Jasper? _My_ Jasper?! An angry hiss almost made me break up the kiss. He had been in more fights than I could have imagined and thankfully he had never lost. Thankfully he was strength and speed and death rolled into one.

His hands caught mine as my fingers trailed lower and lower until they reached the waistband of his jeans.

" Darling, I don't think this is a good idea."

I was so caught up in the feeling of his skin underneath my hands and his lips on mine that I had not realized my hands had almost wandered too…private territory. Not that I minded.

But he was right. This was not a good idea. I was not ready to lose my V-card yet and I definitely pictured it a little more romantic. Another shot of love for this man hit me as the fact that he respected me too much to have sex with me right here right now, pierced my thick skull. Any other man would've taken advantage of this. But not him. He respected me and he loved me.

" You're right. If you're gonna pop my cherry it has to be a bit more romantic, darling." The words passed between my lips before I really thought about them. No! Take them back!

Embarrassment was the only companion my fading lust had right now. I groaned " Please, ignore that."

He started to laugh loudly. The sound like music to my ears. His loud laughter slowly faded into chuckles as the embarrassment didn't seem to go away. His fingers traced the curves of my face.

" Don't feel ashamed."

With a sigh I got off him and started to put my Jeffrey Campbell plateau boots back on. I loved them. They were so high heeled but really comfortable and they had spiky studs on them. I smoothed my star printed skater skirt before I grabbed his hand and pulled him up. As long as my newborn strength was still lingering in my veins I would make use of it the best I could. Which meant being faster than Edward and Jasper and pretending that Emmett had a chance in our games of arm wrestling.

" Come on, before your family thinks I killed you."

He huffed " As if I can't take you!"

" Darling, don't be offended! It's really hard being deadly gorgeous, strong and magnificent but someone has to take the responsibility."

He laughed and playfully nudged me in the ribs, the same place were those _mutts_ had bitten me and took off.

A series of giggles erupted as I sped to the woods, chasing him and eventually passing.

We ran back to the Cullens house. One step of mine was the equal of two and a half of his. We took longer than usually. Because I shoved him. Playfully ofcourse. Honestly I couldn't keep my eyes of him. Nor my hands. I blamed it on the fact that I was a newborn.

Alice threw the door open at the same moment I wanted to do the same. " Lexi, you have to see the skirts and shoes I've ordered for you on Net-A-Porter."

I chuckled. Alice's newfound hobby existed of roaming the internet in order to find the newest designer clothes that would fit my body. The ones she had already bought for me weren't good enough anymore. She had this rule that if you wore it twice you should give it to charity.

" Okay. But first I need to tell you guys something. My name is not Lexi anymore. I've decided to change my name to Nicole. I've made up my mind to start a new life. It comes with a new name."

They were perplex for a few seconds but I could see that they understood. Rosalie threw me a bitch glare before going upstairs to her room. I didn't bother to spare a glance at her. If I ignored her I couldn't start a fight.

" I shall call J. Jenks."

I didn't bother to ask who that was. Some sketchy dude I guess.

" Forge me a driver license too please. Edward is gonna teach me how to drive."

" I am?"

" You are!" I heard him grunt. " I shall be very careful!"

" I'm sure you will." With a roll of my eyes and a glare I shut him up.

" And if you're busy anyway make me one year older. 17 looks much better." A kiss was pressed against my cheek followed by a " Yes, ma'am."

I joined Alice first after that to take a look at the clothes she had ordered for me and then joined Edward in a game of chess, which I lost because he had a century ahead of me plus he was a big fat cheater!

_You hear that Edward? You're a cheater!_

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><p>As the days passed I started to became bored because Jasper and the others went back to school. I helped Esme clean the entire house. I read Carlisle's books becoming almost an expert in rhinology: the medical and surgical treatment of disorders of the nose and sinuses. Very interesting. I shopped online until I had every color of the rainbow in my wardrobe. I gardened with Esme. She was a landscape architect. She had the degree at least. I cleaned the house again. And I started to write on my own book under the pseudonym of Leni Brown. You got it? The first two letters of my name and middle name.<p>

It was pure amusement and a way of passing time. I was sure my writing sucked but my idea was original.

A talented, female surgeon is assigned her first sex reassignment surgery. She botches the operation and is sued. As she cost her patient his chance at a female body, he starts to hunt her down for a chance at hers.

I had the story all planned out in my head and the writing came so naturally. I had only started to type today and I was already on chapter three. I even had this catchy title called ' A Killer Body'

In the distance I could hear rap music booming. That's definitely Emmett's jeep. Which meant Jasper was home from school!

A smile was instantly one my face. No matter how pleasurable my time with Esme was I really preferred time with Jasper. Two cars parked in the Cullen's garage followed by some doors slammed and then I felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around my waist.

" I'm home."

" I know I heard you. I have this amazing thing called vampire hearing." I turned around in his arms and kissed him on the lips, temporarily forgetting my surroundings. My fingers wrapped in his hair, they just needed to feel the luxuriant thick curls.

" I have an appointment with J. Jenks tomorrow." He said in between kisses and I actually had to focus on the words. My mind kept wandering off to other things…

" Hmmm." I pulled him closer again.

My lips parted. Someone cleared his throat, making me instantly irritated. I turned around to see who it was. Edward.

_Edward? Are you like… turned on right now? _I could barely contain my mental laughter. His face wrinkled. I could only imagine the pictures and thoughts in his head right now.

" Not in the slightest."

I liked Edward. Not only because he was pleasant to the eye with his perfect and angular features but he was also charming and polite and determined, which was not a bad thing to be. He was also overprotective of Alice, which was also not a bad thing to be. Reminded me a bit of myself. Picture me going berserk if someone _tried_ to hurt Jasper… But he still wasn't a match for my Jasper. No one was.

It's a god damn shame he was so damn stubborn sometimes. And an annoying mind reader. And a cheater. And had the tendency to overreact. But over all his was a nice fake brother.

Edward was my favorite non-amorous male in the house. Plus I liked how he played the piano, probably his best feature.

The crooked smile on his face annoyed me: " Your kind words make my heart melt, Nicole."

" Fuck off, just teach me how to drive."

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><p>I was a surprisingly fast student. I managed to drive around without damaging something or killing someone. In the beginning I was on the very edge of pulling my hair out because Edward was so demanding and stern and he just wouldn't shut up.<p>

We came to a mutual agreement after I screamed at him to shut the fuck up or I would rip his lips off.

" You want to take a selfie?" I asked as I pulled my phone out of my jeans.

" Sure, but why?"

" I'm planning to keep myself busy with scrapbooking so I need pictures."

" But you have vampire memory, you will never forget something again."

" Like I said it's a way to keep myself busy. Besides a scrapbook has its charm."

" Right." And he gave me a weird look.

" Don't give me such a weird look and come closer to me."

" You sure are bossy, women!" I couldn't contain my laughter. Sometimes Edward was also genuinely funny, another trait I liked.

Our heads came closer together until my bouncy hair was touching his jaw.

" Smile!"

It was a good picture. I saw two unearthly beautiful people with attractive smiles

" OMG! We look so gorgeous! That's totally a good one!" His imitation of an annoying teenage girl with a high pitched, shrill voice was striking and once again I burst into laughter.

" Another one." He suggested. This was nice. The interaction with my new brother who I was going to live with for centuries was nice. Bonding time.

I pressed my lips against his cheek, temporarily surprising him but he relaxed and put a broad smile on his face, his arm wrapping around my shoulders.

That was the nicest picture of them all. I succeeded in convincing him to take a few goofy ones. Pictures where we were acting as models on the cover of a magazine, pictures were we had this overly badass faces or were we pulled silly ones.

" You are crazy, Nicole."

" Is it good or is it good?" As I pulled off my best pork imitation. His hand pressed against my forehead, pushing my head back into the car seat.

" You're a born pig." We laughed together.

" This was nice." He admitted. " You have changed so much. I barely recognize you anymore apart from the few moments you threaten to rip people's lips off."

" Jasper makes you to who you are now. If I didn't knew better I wouldn't believe you are a newborn. But the most change I see in Jasper. He lives for his family and he loves them but there was always something missing. He never admitted it or complained but he wanted what we all had: a mate. Now he has you. His reason to live. Or as he describes you his bright star in a starless sky. I'm glad you are who you are, Nicole and I'm glad we are growing closer."

For once I didn't miss the feeling of crying because I would've been if I had been human. There was a lump in my throat from all the emotional words that even venom couldn't dissolve.

I opened my arms as far as the space of Edwards Volvo allowed it.

" Are you going to strangle me?" He joked

" Just hug me!" I wrapped my arms around his entire body. This was the first hug and he returned it.

We hugged for minutes I think and it was nice. It felt good. Not like it was with Jasper but like a brother hug.

I released him. Hugging longer would've been awkward. " Come on, we should better be going."

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><p><strong>What do you think? Comments? Suggestions?<strong>


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